


Transitions

by blackchaps



Series: Accidents [4]
Category: Law & Order: SVU, Oz (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 00:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11024562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: Another job for SVU and Toby falls back into old habits. Elliot is there to pull him back to solid ground.





	Transitions

******

Toby sat and enjoyed the sun on his face. It seemed like a small thing to most people, but it wasn't to him, not yet. He'd come over here to watch the world go by. He was feeling much better, although jogging was out of the question for another day or two. At least he could see from both of his eyes and nothing hurt.

"How are you, Beech?"

Toby transferred his small smile to the big man that took the seat next to him. "Detective Stabler, I'll be damned. I haven't seen you in two days."

Stabler leaned back and yawned. "Are you sure it wasn't three? You look better."

"Little Maria is a great nurse." Toby noticed Stabler's rumpled clothes and lack of personal hygiene. "Bad case, huh?"

"I hate going to Rikers." Stabler nodded.

"Me too." Toby completely agreed with that. He carefully analyzed Stabler again. "You're not home. You're here to get me."

Stabler tried to look innocent. It didn't fly. "We could use your help, but your brother would kill me for asking, so I'm not gonna. How long has it been since you got mugged?"

"Two months." Toby sighed. He hated helping them out. It always ended poorly. Well, usually it did. He did it though because it was the right thing to do. "What about Maria? She'll be off the bus soon."

"That situation has been bothering me." Stabler was such an honest man. "So I made a few phone calls."

"And got them deported?" Toby sniped at him. It was fun.

"Her grandmother should be arriving at the airport about now. Your limo driver is waiting for her." Stabler grinned at him. "I love it when you're shocked out of your shorts."

Toby was shocked. He would never have thought of that, and the fact that Stabler had was astounding. "My brother helped you? Willingly?"

"Yes. Do I need to call an ambulance for you?" Stabler stood up and stretched again. "I have their number on speed dial."

"Very fucking funny." Toby got up off the bench. He poked Stabler with his cane. "Okay, I'm all yours."

"That's what I wanted to hear." Stabler took the cane and twirled it. "Do you need this?"

"Nah, mostly I carry it to hit you." Toby could get along fine without it. It just gave him a sense of security. Well, the shank inside it did that.

"That's what I thought." Stabler handed it back. "Come on, if you're willing. Cragen wants to talk to you."

Toby walked beside him. Stabler didn't sound enthusiastic about Toby helping out. For some reason, that was worrisome. "Suddenly, I'm frightened."

"You should be."

********

Stabler stayed out of the captain's office. He didn't want to influence Beecher's decision. Personally, he thought it was a crappy idea, but no one was asking him, and he knew why. When it came to Beecher, Stabler was no longer an objective opinion. Benson knew it, and he was afraid most everyone else did too.

"Think he'll do it?"

"I think he might," Fin said to Munch. "He's crazy. It'll help."

Stabler put his face in his hand and tried to focus. It wasn't working.

"Too bad they took his limo away from him," Munch said.

Fin said nothing, and Stabler was glad. Maybe Munch would shut up. Benson came into the squad room and looked at the office door. "Is he here?"

Stabler nodded. "They're starting a pool on whether he's dumb enough to go for it."

"I want in," Beecher said as he came out of the office. He looked over to Munch. "Hundred bucks says I get shanked by a fellow convict."

"I'll take that bet," Munch said. "My money says you'll be beaten by CO's, not shanked by a prisoner."

Beecher stuck out his hand, and they shook on it. Stabler got to his feet. "That is nowhere near funny!"

"Who's joking?" Beecher leaned against Stabler's desk. "Were you joking, Munch?"

"Uh, no." Munch looked at Fin. "You want in?"

"Too rich for my blood." Fin never looked away from his computer screen. "Benson?"

She grimaced. "I don't think so. Either way, Toby loses."

"Toby, did you actually think about this?" Stabler tried not to yell. Angus was going to kill him, and he didn't even want to think about Holly.

"I did, and I signed a waiver. The department isn't responsible if I don't come out alive. Stabler, make sure and get the money from Munch if it's a shank. Give it to little Maria."

Stabler knew his mouth fell open. Beecher was serious. Seriously crazy. "You're nuts!"

"Got it." Beecher slipped around him, took his chair, and pointed at Munch. "You better pay up!"

Munch laughed and wandered away. Stabler glared at Beecher. "Enough with the jokes. You know everything?"

"Yes. I am an informed adult." Beecher smiled at Benson. "Let's get lunch."

Benson shook her head. "I'm slightly nauseous."

Stabler paced over to the board. There had to be another solution. "I could go undercover and do this."

"Right. You don't even say fuck." Beecher laughed. "They'd spot you within the hour."

"He's right," Cragen said. "He's willing to go. He's going. We have to have someone on the inside."

Beecher didn't look worried, but Stabler was worried enough for both of them. "What if he has to shank someone to stay alive?"

Cragen had an answer for that. "Anything he does while incarcerated can't be used against him to break his parole. He got it in writing. Apparently, he was a lawyer."

"Good thinking, Toby," Benson whispered. "Don't kill anyone, okay?"

"I try to avoid that." Beecher should be trembling, but he looked calm. Stabler didn't understand this, at all. Beecher looked straight at him. "It's only a week. I can do it."

"What's Dr. Huang say?" Stabler had to throw it out there. Hopefully, it would wreck the deal.

"We're not telling him." Beecher dug in Stabler's desk for something. "I'm going to need a new shank. Got a letter opener?"

Munch laughed. Fin nodded. Benson frowned, and Stabler wanted to shove the board through the window. Cragen came over to stand next to him. "Call Johnson. Make sure he knows what's happening. Elliot, you're Toby's contact. Don't blow his cover."

Stabler hoped he still had it in him to smack Beecher around. "I'm going to yank him if I think he's in danger."

"Excuse me, Detective? I'll tell you if I can't handle it, and I'll know, believe me." Beecher hesitated. Stabler could see the wheels turning in that lawyer brain. "Where'd that guy who mugged me end up?"

"Attica." Stabler had made sure of it. "He'll stay there."

Beecher stood up. "I want a big lunch and then we'll do this."

Cragen nodded. "Everyone do your part, and Beecher will come home safe."

Stabler hoped so, or there was going to be hell to pay. "Benson, call Johnson. I'll take Beecher to lunch."

Beecher smiled. "You're buying."

********

Toby went out to the car and took a deep breath. He could do this. He was well, or mostly, and the color left in his eye would make him look tough. His cell phone interrupted his attempt to reassure himself. "Beecher."

"You sound like Stabler."

"Really?" Toby leaned against the hood of the car. "You got my message?"

"I did." Angus paused. "You're going out of town for a week on vacation. Toby, do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Not a good lie, huh?" Toby thought of another one. "I'm going to Oz to see my friends?"

"Stabler has you working a case, right?"

"Yes, and I'm going to be gone for a week, maybe longer. Tell the kids I'm out of town on business and don't worry." Toby smiled at Stabler. "Stabler has my back."

"I have a feeling the less I know the better. This better not end up on the news!"

"I'll do my best." Toby loved his brother. "See ya in a week."

"I love you, Toby," Angus said and clicked off. Toby handed Stabler the cell phone and most of the money from his wallet.

Stabler stuffed them both in his pocket. "I wish you'd said no."

Toby stepped close to him. "I'll be fine. I can do prison with my eyes shut."

"Stay out of trouble. Get sent to the hole if you have to. I'll pull you out."

"I'll be naked." Toby put his hand on Stabler's chest to feel the beat. "Get some sleep and eat while I'm gone, okay?"

Stabler put his hand on Toby's hand. "I'll sleep when you get out."

"Me too." Toby relaxed. This was all they had, and it was so much. He breathed and let it all go. "Cuff me."

"If I arrest you, it'll be on the books that way, and it'll look funny." Stabler wrapped him in a quick embrace. "I made a call. Your ride is on the way."

Toby enjoyed the hug, suppressed a groan of desire, and got down to business. "What's the charge?"

"Drunk and disorderly." Stabler was serious now.

"How about assault? It looks so much tougher, and everyone knows your rap sheet within an hour of arrival." Toby hefted his cane. "I owe you for that smack across the face."

"Okay." Stabler shrugged. He wasn't worried, but he should have been. He grabbed Toby by the collar, gave him a rough shake, and said, "Get ready. Here they come."

Toby timed it to the second they pulled up. He swung the cane, but at Stabler's gut, not head like expected. Stabler went into a small state of shock. He never saw the fist coming, and Toby let him have it. When they pulled him off, he was trying to stomp Stabler's nuts into the ground.

"Let go of me! Fuckers! Fuck with me! I'll kill you!" Toby hit the concrete hard, forcing the air from his body. They wrenched the cane away and a knee slammed into his back. "Prick! I'll cut your dick off!"

Stabler staggered up. "Damn!" He leaned against his car. Toby laughed until they tossed him into the back seat of the patrol car. He could see them talking. Stabler was going to have a bruise. Fucker. Toby took a deep breath. It wasn't real, but it showed him how easy it was to fall back into hateful patterns. Well, he was on his way to Rikers now. No going back.

********

Stabler got an ice pack from the fridge and sat down at his desk to put it on his face. He leaned back in his chair and laughed softly.

"Damn! You're laughing about that?"

"Toby wanted to go with assault charges, and I'm telling you that the man knows how to assault someone." Stabler couldn't help but smile. "He about killed me!"

Benson came over. "And this is funny why?"

"It's a guy thing," Munch said. "You see Stabler thought Beecher might possibly be a wimp after the Nazi and mugging incident. Now, he knows the truth. Beecher can take him down. That's respect smiling."

Fin nodded. "I told ya Beecher was good in a fight."

Benson rolled her eyes. "Men are so stupid."

"Yes, we are." Stabler couldn't argue with that. "Munch, get down to processing and make sure no one beats on Beecher for hitting a cop."

"Okay." Munch got going.

"Fin, I want you to make sure that Beecher stays at Rikers for at least a week. If he gets shipped off to Oz, all my bruises will go to waste." Stabler pulled the ice pack away.

"Got it covered." Fin would do a good job.

Stabler looked at his partner. "This was a bad idea."

"I agree."

********

Toby was appalled at how easy it was to put on his prison face. Hell, it felt natural, even right. For years he'd worried that he'd end up a complete dickhead. Now he knew it was true. Part of him was not a nice man, and that part was more than willing to take over and run the show. He slumped in his chair and rattled his chains. They weren't taking any chances with him.

"Put him in three!"

Toby eyed the cop suspiciously. They were being pretty free with their fists today. The cop smiled. Oh, that was bad.

"Beecher!"

Toby heard Munch but didn't take his eyes off his next assailant. "Fuck you!"

Munch got right in Toby's face and smiled. "Think you can stomp Detective Stabler and not take a beating?"

"I was kinda hoping to avoid it," Toby snarled, "Jewboy."

"Where are you taking this turd?"

The cop spoke up. "Three. He'll be out of here before the end of the day."

"Good." Munch grabbed Toby's shackles and hauled him up. "Give me a minute with him."

"It's a pleasure." The cop went back to work so he could look the other way.

Toby didn't cooperate, but Munch was tougher than he looked, and he ended up thrown in a cell. Munch got back in Toby's face. "Bets off if the cops kill you before you get there."

"Sounds fair." Toby spat on the floor. "Give Stabler my love."

Munch laughed and shoved him on a cot. "They'll treat you right at Rikers."

Toby stayed down. He gave Munch the finger, but that was the end of it. Munch had kept him from a bad beating, and he was grateful. By the time they took him out of here, he'd be a good boy.

********

"Is he okay?"

"Yep. He sends his love." Munch laughed. "I was going to tune him up, but it seemed like a lot of work."

Fin shook his head. "Bets off if something happens here."

"I know. I know." Munch went to his desk. Stabler ground his teeth. Beecher had sent his love, but in such a way that Munch had assumed it was an insult. Stabler knew better. He had to take a short break, and he went to the locker room. He'd shower and change into some clean clothes.

"Your face hurt?" Johnson came in the door before Stabler could get undressed.

"And my ribs and my nuts," Stabler said. "Remind me never to piss Beecher off."

"Will do." Johnson leaned against the lockers and frowned. "Oz made him tough. I bet somewhere down deep, he enjoyed it."

Stabler hoped not. He started unbuttoning his shirt. "Beecher's a good man. Not many guys would baby sit a seven year old for free. He knows how to survive, and that's hard to criticize."

"Unless someone gets killed along the way." Johnson shrugged. "He's your responsibility for the next week."

"I hear you." Stabler shucked off his trousers. "You'll get him back in one piece."

"It's not him I worry about." Johnson wandered out with his point made. Stabler sighed and wished Beecher had said no. Beecher had sent his love. No, Toby had sent his love. Stabler turned on the water and stuck his face in it. They were good friends. That was the love. It wasn't physical. He didn't think about curling his fingers through blond hair or tracing his hands down rock hard muscles.

"Shit." Stabler flipped the water to cold and made sure it hit his cock. Damn it. He needed to get laid. That's what this was all about. Irritated, he switched the water back to warm and groaned softly. Beecher had better be careful.

********

Toby wished they'd taken his shackles off, but he'd assaulted a cop, so he'd have to suffer. Pissing wasn't easy, but he managed to miss his shoes. They'd give him an orange jumpsuit right before transport. He fervently hoped they didn't accidentally send him to Oz. Querns would love it.

Stabler was going to have a bruise or two, and Toby regretted trying to mash Stabler's nuts. That had been an accident. Well, not really, but it had been spur of the moment enthusiasm. The fact that he'd enjoyed losing control was something he'd rather not think about, and he wondered if Stabler thought less of him now. Stabler was tough to figure out. He was demanding and easy going at the same time. He also had all those muscles that Toby wanted to run his tongue over. Toby laughed softly and stared at the ceiling. He was a fucking idiot.

"Get on your feet, fuckhead."

Toby got up and managed a cringe. "Look. I'm sorry. I was high! Let's pretend it didn't happen!"

"Right." The cop opened the door. Another one was right behind him. "I don't think Detective Stabler is going to forgive and forget."

"Please." Toby shuffled closer, lowering his head and trying to work up a tear. "It wasn't my fault!"

"That's what they all say." The cop started removing the chains. "Put this on."

Toby did his best to look pathetic. "I'd have never touched him if I-"

"Had skipped the ecstasy?" The cops laughed. "You're fucked now."

Toby rubbed his wrists and slipped off his shoes to put the orange coverall on over his clothes. "Give me a break. I was high!"

"Okay. Settle down."

Toby sighed. He'd groveled enough to get out of a beating. Stupid cops. He got in the suit and zipped it up. "You guys aren't mad, right?" They laughed some more. Toby held out his wrists, but the cop shoved him against the wall.

"Spread them."

Toby put his hands up and spread his legs. What the hell was going on? He tensed. "I'm clean."

"We know."

Toby crumpled to his knees instantly. Pain blew through him. Maybe these cops weren't so stupid after all. They shackled him while he was reeling and shoved him out. He staggered, but he tucked up the balls Chris had given him and shouted, "Fuck you!"

"There's the anger." They laughed and pushed him. "Stabler says hello."

"I should have shanked him," Toby muttered and fell down. He knew now that he was the stupid one. The trip to the bus was a long one. He didn't bleed much, but he did question his sanity. This was nothing but another mugging. Keeping his head down, he was glad to finally get seated. Getting to Rikers had turned out to be the hard part. He should have gone with drunk and disorderly.

"Heard you fucked up a detective!" The black guy in the seat over from him laughed. "Fucking alright!"

Toby wiped some blood from his mouth. "Wasn't very smart."

"But very cool, dawg."

Toby settled back to enjoy the ride.

********

"He's in," Cragen said and put down the phone.

Stabler was glad to hear it. Wait. No, he wasn't, but Beecher was safer in a cell than in transit. "I still think this was a bad idea."

"Everyone knows." Cragen pointed at the board. "He's our only chance, but continue the investigation the old-fashioned way for appearance's sake and don't think about going out to Rikers until tomorrow, at the earliest."

"Got it." Stabler caught Benson's eye, but she shook her head. She wasn't doing it. Damn. Beecher had agreed to do this. It was all on him now.

********

Toby did everything he was told and waited patiently. He didn't bother asking to go to the infirmary, even though it was a nice one, much nicer than Oz.

"We picked out a nice cellie for you," the guard sneered.

"He looks great. Thanks, asswipe." Toby got out of the way of the fist, and the guard slammed the door.

His new cellmate immediately came after him. "Name's Earl Jones. You?"

"Toby Beecher." He knew not to blink or look away, and he looked Jones over. Jones wasn't all that tall, or strong, or probably smart, but he had sleeves so he was good at getting thrown in prison. Toby wiped some blood off his mouth. "Got a cigarette?"

"I wish." Jones backed away as far as the bars. "You a fag?"

"Are you a Nazi?" Toby countered.

"Biker."

"Irish." Toby went with that. It was better than lawyer. His lack of group affiliation had been a problem over the years. No one had wanted him for anything but a prag, and Said had saved him more than once, but Jones didn't need to know all that. "Rikers ain't the place to get sent to lately."

"No shit. No shit." Jones relaxed some. "Some bad shit going down in here and no one gives a damn."

"I don't give a damn either. I'll scoot out of here to Oz soon enough." Toby took a piss, washed his hands, and cleaned some dried blood off his face and neck.

"Over the fucking rainbow." Jones laughed. "They fucked you up."

"Bunch of pussies." Toby grabbed a bunk and stretched out. "Just me and you, huh?"

"Always more on the way." Jones gave him the eye.

Toby had seen it a hundred times before and, except for Chris, he didn't like it. "Don't fucking get any ideas. I'll kick your ass through the bars."

Jones took the top bunk on the opposite side of the cell. There were four bunks but only two guys. "You may change your mind."

"I fucking doubt it." Toby laced his fingers behind his head. This was just like the bad old days, but this time he had to work the system to get the information that Stabler needed. He could do it. That was the least of his worries.

********

Stabler went up to the crib instead of going home. He took off enough clothes to get comfortable and lay back. This investigation was going nowhere. No one would talk to them. Rikers might as well be a black hole of information. He rubbed his face and shut his eyes. The nurse that had originally contacted them had quit her job and moved out of state. The CO's were a solid blue line, and the administrators refused to believe any of it. There were always complainers. It was possible that there was nothing going on, but he didn't believe it for a minute. He'd interviewed six men and none of them would look him in the eye and tell the truth. Not so surprising, except that prisoners loved to make trouble for CO's. Why was there so much fear? Beecher would find out what was going on, but at what cost? Stabler let guilt wash his soul. It was time to go to confession.

"You okay?"

Stabler cracked an eyelid at Benson. "Sure. Tired and beat up, but fine."

"Glad to hear it." Benson smiled and sat down across from him. "Beecher has plenty of money in his account in case he has to grease a few palms."

"He better not or they'll know he's a rat." Stabler didn't sit up. "I worry about him."

"You think he's fragile, weak. He's not." Benson crossed her legs. "Beecher is tough. Give him some credit."

"I guess I've seen a side of him that you haven't." Stabler had to believe that.

Benson shrugged. "He lets you in farther than anyone else. Does it worry you?"

"Yes." Stabler went ahead and sat up. He smiled and raised his hands. "What can I do?"

"Do what you know is right." Benson was sure of herself. "Don't worry about the rest of it."

Stabler thought that was easy to say, but hard to do. "If someone makes Toby their bitch, I'm going to kill them."

"Take a number." Benson got up and headed for the door. "Get some sleep."

"Bring me some coffee in the morning." Stabler lay back down. She never brought him coffee, but Beecher did.

********

Toby fell into the routine quickly, but there was an undercurrent of fear among the prisoners that was alarming. He had the names of six guys, and he'd seen their pictures. If he could find one of them, he might be able to get him to talk. The CO's were a rough bunch here, much tougher than the ones at Oz. They were also tight. Toby saw them exchanging hand signals at one point. There were a close-knit group that had worked together for years. It didn't make any sense. CO's were usually the bottom of the law enforcement barrel. If one of these fucks got hold of him, he'd be dead before he hit the floor.

"Jones, the fucking hacks here are freaking me out." Toby ate his nuggets mindlessly. It was food.

"Everyone is fucking freaked out." Jones lowered his head. "I been here six months. Don't even look at them."

Toby made sure not to stare at any of them directly. He finished his lunch and went to throw his shit away. Moving slowly, he tried again to find one of his guys. Luckily, they were all white, which made them stand out. Sure that he had spotted one of them; he casually went that direction and sat down next to him.

"Can I have your orange?"

Elroy Coltrain: white, tall, short beard, black hair, a few tats, and no gang affiliation that the police knew of gave him a shitty look. "Fuck off."

Toby shrugged and sat there. This guy had about as many friends as he did, which was none. That made him vulnerable. "Staying here or heading out?"

"I'll be out in four months with my earned days." He gave Toby a wary look. "You?"

"Heading to Oz as soon as they find me a room." Toby stuck out his hand. "Toby Beecher."

"Elroy Coltrain, but everyone calls me Col." Col shook it. "Who fucked you up?"

"Cops." Toby smirked. "But I got one of their own first."

Col smiled. He liked that. "Who?"

"Detective Elliot Stabler. I fucked him over right before they dragged me down and kicked the shit out of me." Toby lowered his voice. "It was a better high than heroin."

Col's eyes couldn't get any wider. "You are fucking with me!"

"Nope. I had a cane. He thought I needed it to walk." Toby gave him his best crazy grin. "I needed it to fuck him up."

"Damn. You've got balls." Col grinned back at him. "Fucker was here talking to me, trying to fuck me over."

"He's always working some angle." Toby nodded. "He fucked up my parole, but he paid for it."

Col picked up his tray. "C'mon. We'll head to the gym."

Toby nodded and went with him. This was a step in the right direction. Now, if he could avoid giving Col a blowjob, he'd be home free.

********

_"So you think you can resist Toby, huh?"_

_"Chris Keller. You are a sorry ass fucker." Stabler turned away from him. "Get the fuck out of my head!"_

_"Quit cursing. You can't pull it off. Maybe bitch and shit, but not fuck." Chris laughed. "I been here awhile, taking care of my Toby."_

_"He doesn't need you." Stabler tried not to look at his double, but Chris was in front of him again._

_"Admit that you'll look after him, and I'm out of here." Chris smiled like the devil with Stabler's own mouth. "Admit it!"_

Stabler jerked away and hit his head on the top bunk. He panted in the darkness and tried not to remember his dream, but it lingered. It lingered, and he cursed, "God damn you, Chris Keller."

********

"Who the fuck are you?" Jones spat.

Toby put down his magazine. "Hey Col, glad you could make it."

"They didn't give a shit." Col tossed his stuff on the bunk under Toby. "Who's your friend?"

"That's Jones. He's a pain in the fucking ass." Toby grinned at Jones. "Go play somewhere else, Jones."

Jones flipped him off and left the cell. "Fuck you, Beecher."

Col laughed. "Nice guy. Does he suck?"

"Nah. Fucker." Toby shut his magazine. "Gym?"

"You bet, but that CO by the name of Conrad is working in there today. For shit's sake, don't even glance at him."

Toby slid down and stepped very close to Col, almost close enough to kiss him. "What's the deal with these CO's?"

Col narrowed his eyes. "They're a bunch of rat bastards," he whispered. "Using the system to fuck us harder and deeper."

"Fuckers." Toby had to get the information, but he couldn't push too hard. It would be a mistake. Over the last two days, he'd decided that he liked Col and wouldn't mind fucking him or at least leading him on. "Let's go work out."

"Yeah." Col dipped his head and kissed him. Toby wrapped his hands in Col's shoulders and let it last. It was a test run, and it wasn't all that bad. It wasn't Stabler, but that wasn't ever going to happen.

"Break it up, girls." The hack hit the bars. He sounded fucking bored. Col pulled away, and they went to the gym together. Toby worked up a sweat, kept an eye on Col, and didn't look at Conrad.

Col didn't say much until they were taking a quick shower together. "If the hacks come and get you at night, be ready to fight."

"Okay." Toby didn't ask why. That was unhealthy. "What's the winner get?"

"They get to fuck the other guy up the ass." Col pointed at Toby's. "They'd love to get hold of that swastika."

"Shit." Toby shut the water off and got a towel. "I ain't no fucking Nazi!"

"No. You're better. You're someone's old bitch." Col grabbed his towel.

Toby got in Col's face. "Fuck you."

Col was taller, but not tougher, and he knew it. He took the one step back that prison etiquette required of the weaker man. "I'm just warning you. You better win."

"I make a habit of it." Toby headed back for the cell. "Come on, fucker."

"I'm right behind you." Col stated his willingness to be bottom clearly. He must have lost his fight. Toby hung up his towel and ran a comb through his hair. It was getting long again. He ran his hand over his face and decided to keep the stubble. It made him look tougher, and he needed all the help he could get.

"Count!"

Toby and Col lined up, and Jones wandered over. They didn't look at each other until they were inside and the cell door was locked. Jones moved right in on Col. "You're gonna suck my cock."

Toby shoved him back. "Fuck off, Jones. Col's taken."

"Yeah, by me." Jones threw a lazy right cross. Toby ducked and hit him three times fast: face, gut, and balls. Jones collapsed, and Toby threw him on the bottom bunk. He was howling like a maniac.

"Trouble?" The CO stared at them.

"Not a bit." Toby grinned. "Jones hit his nuts on the toilet."

"That'll happen." The CO shrugged. He stayed close, but didn't bother to do anything.

Col got on his bunk. "That settles that."

"Sure as fuck does," Toby said. He smacked Jones across the forehead. "Got it, bitch?"

"Got it," Jones wheezed. He held his nut sack and rocked.

Toby went to sit on Col's bunk with him. The hack didn't give a shit, as long as they didn't actually fuck in front of him. "I usually win."

"You're fast and strong." Col nodded. "I'm neither. I didn't have a chance against the black guy they tossed me into the ring with."

"Sorry." Toby squeezed Col's shoulder. "You okay?"

"I was in the infirmary for a couple of days, but I'm fine. I'm tall so guys usually don't mess with me, but that black guy tore me to pieces." Col choked back a sob. "You won't hurt me, will you?"

"No." Toby sat against the wall and pulled Col's head into his lap. He stroked Col's hair and said, "I won't hurt you. I promise. Jones, however, is another story."

Col tried to laugh. "I hope they don't take me to the cockfights again."

"They probably won't. You lost. What fun is that?" Toby had a hard time believing all this, but it had to be true. He pushed for more. "When? And who?"

Col checked for the hack. He lowered his voice to a bare whisper. "They wait until they're all on duty. It's different every time."

"Where?" Toby whispered.

"The gym." Col sighed. "They'll get you eventually."

"Yeah." Toby let his fingers play in Col's long, dark hair. "I'll have to win."

Col didn't answer. He shut his eyes and relaxed on Toby. Toby held him loosely and let him rest. It wasn't easy to sleep in prison. The answers were laid out for him, and now he had to decide what to do with them. His transfer to Oz was coming on Friday. He could throw up a white flag to Stabler or he could wait. Unfortunately, no one was going to clue him in on the CO's schedule. Toby would have to risk calling Stabler in the morning.

Eventually, the lights went out, and Toby looked to make sure Jones stayed on his bunk. Col woke up and fumbled with Toby's jeans. Toby gave him a hand.

********

"Stabler."

"Hey fucker." Beecher laughed. "How's your head?"

"Do you realize that this is a felony?" Stabler hoped to God that they weren't listening in on this call.

"Damn. You're a chicken shit. I was just calling to check on you and your sore nuts."

Stabler scrambled for something to say. "You're in big trouble!"

"Yeah. No kidding, but the fucking CO's here are nice. In fact, there are seven of them that all sport a tat like yours." Beecher laughed again. "I noticed it when I had you down and was tromping on your balls."

"Listen, you little shit-" Stabler stopped talking. Beecher had hung up on him.

"What's going on?" Benson waved her hand in front of Stabler's face.

Stabler shut the cell phone. "Seven of the CO's are Marines. Toby says to check them out."

"He said all that?"

"Sorta, in between curse words which I won't repeat." Stabler looked down at his tattoo. "They all have tattoos."

Benson nodded. "It's something. Are you going to see him?"

"I'm worried that if I do, the CO's will kill him." Stabler listened to his heart race at the thought. Keller nagged at him, _"Take care of Toby."_ Stabler muttered, "Shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, Olivia. I'm tired." Stabler smiled at her. "Let's get to work."

"Go see him tomorrow."

"I will." Stabler didn't want to because he knew he'd have to hit Beecher or at least get him thrown in the hole. Shit. He'd go after count. "Beecher has three more days."

"He'll make it," Benson said softly. "Will you?"

Stabler ignored that and got to work. Seven of his fellow Marines were making the Corp look bad.

*********

Toby tried his best to stay under the radar. He didn't want to fight for his ass in the ring with a big, black guy or a big, white guy. Either way, he'd be big. Col seemed happy to have a friend, and it was slightly pathetic, but Toby remembered how easily Chris had mindfucked him. Prison was a lonely place. Col stretched out on the cot, and Toby leaned over him for a kiss. Jones made a rude noise that they both ignored.

"Beecher!"

Toby finished kissing Col before turning to look at the CO. "Can I help you?"

"He's so full of shit. Get over here and turn around!" The CO was one of the seven, but it was Stabler that Toby stared at. Stabler was an odd color, somewhere between red and purple. It was obvious that he'd seen the kissing and didn't approve.

"I'll be back, Col. Jones, keep your dick in your pants!" Toby went to the bars and turned for the cuffs. They unlocked the door, and he walked out. "This is nice."

Stabler just glared in anger. It looked pretty convincing, and he took Toby by the arm and dragged him to an interview room, one with walls instead of wire. The CO stayed with them, and Toby didn't crack any more jokes. He didn't want to be beaten half to death in front of Stabler.

"Wait out here." Stabler shoved Toby inside the little room.

"He's going to think this is damn odd." Toby sat down. Stabler shut the blinds. Toby nodded. "Good idea. Now he'll just think you're beating the shit out of me."

Stabler stalked over to him. "What the hell is going on in this place?" The question was smooth, almost calm, but Toby could hear an undercurrent of pure anger.

"Seven of your pals are setting up cockfights in the gym. Loser gets ass fucked." Toby spoke softly. He stood so they were face to face, if he looked up slightly. "When they're all on duty, they have some fun."

"Why won't someone testify to this?" Stabler rolled up his sleeves and tucked his tie inside his shirt in what looked like an old and familiar ritual.

"Elliot, these men have families. The CO's go home. Check for assaults against family members of men at Rikers. These guys are scared, and so am I." Toby breathed in the wonderful smell of his roommate. He missed lifting weights and TV time. He even missed cooking for him. "They work as a team. Hand signals. The works. We can't fight them."

Stabler raised his arms as if to hug him, and then abruptly shoved him into a chair. "You'll testify."

"No. I won't." Toby shook his head firmly. He wasn't going to do that, and Stabler couldn't make him. "I have children to protect."

"What the hell can we do?" Stabler looked frustrated as hell.

"Catch them in the act or forget it." Toby wished there was another way, but there wasn't.

Stabler pointed at him. "When?"

"When they're all on duty. Figure it out, and get me out of here before it's my turn." Toby heard the tiny click of the door, even if Stabler didn't. "Fuck you!"

Stabler slapped Toby across the face. "You are dead, you hear me?"

"Not yet, prick!" Toby let the hand knock him to the floor. He coughed as if it weren't the first blow. "Add on fifty years, but I'm not giving him up!"

"You'll give him up." Stabler pulled him up off the floor and set him down hard. "Keller can go to hell without you."

Toby gasped. He saw the glint of truth in Stabler's eyes. Chris stood firmly between them right now in this time and place. "He's all I have," Toby whispered.

"No!" Stabler shot it out like a bullet. He grabbed Toby by the shirt and shook him. "Get your sorry ass back to your cell."

Toby licked his lips. "Sorry." The word was a bare whisper, and it came from his heart.

"I can wait for you to come to your senses." Stabler shoved him at the door. Toby couldn't avoid banging into it. Ouch. That hurt. The CO pushed it open further and hit him again. Christ! Stabler laughed. "I'm done here."

The CO took Toby by the arm and pulled him to his feet. "I see that. Same time next week?"

"I'll let you know." Stabler strode off. He didn't look back. Toby went with the pain and moaned. He had to play this up big.

"Not so tough now." The CO dragged him along, hitting him almost casually every few feet. "We were coming for you, but it can wait. You'll need both eyes to fight off Bruce."

Toby had never been so happy to watch his vision fade as his eye swelled shut. Thank God. Bruce was bigger than a bus. The CO smashed Toby's face against the bars, removed the cuffs, and slammed him in the back. Toby fell through the open door and hit the floor hard. Jones laughed and moved in for the kill.

********

Stabler sat in his car and watched his hands shake. For a bare instant, he'd wanted to beat Beecher senseless and all for daring to love Chris Keller! Keller hadn't deserved a minute of Beecher's time, and Beecher's loyalty after death was stupid as hell.

_"Love ain't always smart."_

Stabler refused to look at him. It was his imagination. He was tired, exhausted. "God damn you, Keller."

_"He did. He did."_

Stabler started the car. He had what he'd come for and when he came back, he was going to crack some heads. Snapping open his cell phone, he hit speed dial.

"Benson."

"Get Toby out. Now. Move on it." Stabler shut the phone. He knew she'd make him pay for that later.

********

Toby tried to get up. His ribs and face were counting on him, but he had no air in his body. Col was suddenly holding him. "Fuck off, Jones."

"I'll fuck you while he's busy trying to breathe." Jones grabbed.

"Kick him in the balls!" Toby gasped. Col jumped up and tried to do just that. Jones dodged, but the cell was small, and Col shoved him back. Toby fumbled to his feet.

Jones got up. "He's mine!"

Toby looked at Col. "Get him! He's nothing compared to that black guy."

"Good fucking point." Col moved in, and Jones suddenly changed his mind. Jones jumped up on his bunk and pretended to be sleeping. Col laughed softly. "I ain't bending over for anyone!"

"Fuck no." Toby slumped down on the bottom bunk and cradled his face. The worst part of it was he owed Munch a hundred dollars. Damn it!

Col sat down next to him. "Put your head in my lap and rest."

"Thanks." Toby lay down and tried not to worry about Stabler, CO's, Bruce, and whether or not Col expected his cock sucked.

********

Stabler went up to the mezzanine to get some coffee and settle down. He felt about one step away from seriously hurting someone.

"I started the paperwork. He'll be back here in two days, at the most." Benson got her own cup of coffee and sat down.

"Fin and I agree that they'll have another round of cockfights tomorrow night." Stabler sat down with a thump. "I'd feel better if we could get him out sooner."

Benson didn't answer immediately. She drank some coffee first. "They might not. They have to be worried."

"We have one chance to catch them. We can't blow it." Stabler didn't have a good answer for that, and it was one more thing to worry about. The sight of Beecher kissing that other inmate slammed into his gut again. He'd been there four days and he already had a bitch. Stabler was going to discuss that with him in detail, maybe. "I wish there was a way to know for sure."

"Well, trust Toby. He might call you again."

Stabler hoped so. Even a good cursing out would be fine. He drank his coffee and tried not to think about Beecher's lips on someone else. _Toby's lips._

********

Toby stayed close to his cell all morning. He ached, and he didn't want another beating before Stabler managed to get him out of here.

"Gonna go work out?"

"Nah. I feel like shit." Toby stayed on his bunk. His eye was open, but he thought it would be unhealthy to advertise it. "What's the news?"

"They're looking smug. Everyone is worried."

Toby didn't like the sound of that. The CO's obviously weren't worried about Stabler and his investigation, not after spotting the tattoo on Stabler's arm.

Col came over to the bunk and gave Toby a kiss. "You know what worries me the most?"

Toby couldn't imagine. It could be anything. "No."

"That the video will end up on the internet." Col sat down hard on his bunk. "Fuckers."

Toby managed to contain his shout of amazement. He rubbed his face and sat up. "That would be bad."

"My wife might see it!" Col slumped.

"I gotta make a phone call." Toby slid off the bunk and headed for the phones. He waited his turn and punched in the numbers fast.

"Hello?"

"Angus, listen to me." Toby paused one second to let Angus catch up. "Call Chris and tell him that he has to throw out the videos. Right now."

"Chris Keller?"

"Yes. Tell him. Now! Bye." Toby hung up and slouched back towards his cell, but he didn't make it.

Conrad pushed him against the wall. "Be ready."

"I'm fucked up!"

"We'll make it fair." Conrad laughed and the sound made the hair on the back of Toby's neck raise straight up.

Toby shook his head. "No! Fuck's sake, give me a break!"

"It's you or Col." Conrad smirked in an awful way. "Think your bitch can handle it?"

Toby groaned. He was fucked. "Fine. I'll do it, but you better get a body bag for the other guy."

Conrad patted Toby's face. "Give us a good show before you go to Oz." He strutted away with a dirty smile on his face. Toby had to hope Stabler got here before the fight. It was a slim hope to hang himself on. He'd better get a backup plan.

*******

"You're sure that's what he said?"

"Positive. He said to call Chris, that's you, I assume, and tell him to throw out the videos right now," Angus said.

Stabler couldn't believe it. They were that stupid? "Okay. I'm on it. Thanks."

"At some point we _will_ discuss why my caller ID came up Rikers Island."

"Not now. I have to work." Stabler was going to avoid that conversation as long as possible. It hadn't been his idea.

"You're not going to let him down, are you?" Angus didn't sound all that hopeful.

"I'm going to take care of him." Stabler snapped his cell phone shut and ignored the whispers of Chris Keller. "Benson, we got a break."

*******

Toby shut out the sounds of the prison around him. It wasn't easy, but he could still do it. It wasn't always smart, but it was necessary to his mental health. He breathed and he thought of only one thing, breathing. Time stretched out, and he relaxed into the moment of freedom. It would vanish quickly, and it was artificial, but Said had been right. Prison could hold their bodies but not their hearts.

"Beecher?"

"Yeah, Col?" Toby's bubble popped, but he could face what was coming with more strength than he'd had ten minutes ago.

"Thanks for not giving me to them."

"Like you did me?" Toby rolled up to his elbow and met his cellmate's guilty eyes.

Col blanched and swallowed hard. "I was afraid."

"Yeah. I imagine so." Toby licked his lips. "Don't worry about it. They had it in for me because of Stabler."

"You should probably kick my ass."

"I gotta save my energy." Toby sat up and leaned back against the wall. "Got any food?"

Col nodded and dug some chocolate out of his mattress. "You'll win."

"Not a good idea." Toby took it and started eating. He'd need the energy. Dinner had sucked. "I'm going to have to fight smart."

Col put a hand on Toby's leg. "I'll be here when you get back."

Toby shrugged. "I'm not coming back. Go cozy up to Jones. I think he really likes you." He shoved the hand away. "Fuck off or I'll shank you."

Col moved back fast. "Sorry."

Toby pointed at the other bunk. "Move your shit." He didn't bother feeling remorse or guilt. Col had broken the golden rule, never give up your cellmate to the hacks. And his blowjobs weren't all that good. He moved his stuff fast, and by the time he finished it was count. They didn't look at each other, and Toby went to lie down again.

Jones smiled at the new bunking arrangements. "Lover's quarrel?"

Toby shrugged. Col smiled at Jones. "You like me?"

Toby tried not to listen to the rest of it. Col and Jones could live happily ever after. Toby had to get the fuck out of here. He owed Munch a hundred dollars and Stabler a fat lip.

********

"Is everybody ready?" Cragen looked out over the crowd. Everyone nodded, and Stabler hoped to God they weren't lying. Cragen continued, "Remember, no one gets to a phone."

Stabler checked his vest. "You're going straight to the prison?"

"And the warden. I'll meet you there." Cragen nodded. "Let's move, people."

********

"It's time, Beecher."

Toby rolled off the bunk, ignored his cellmates, and strolled out the door. They didn't bother to cuff him. There were three of them, and they were hungry for violence.

"Search him."

Toby was ready and laced his hands into his hair. Rough hands tucked into every crook and crevice, but he wasn't carrying a shank. Benson would be upset if Toby killed someone.

"He's clean."

They shoved him down the row, and he walked past cell after cell full of men that were glad it was him. He couldn't really blame them. Breathing deeply, he shook out his muscles and hoped his leg could handle what was coming at it.

"Scared?"

"Nah. I've been fucked by the best. This is nothing." Toby laughed softly and felt Chris with him. Chris and Vern. They had been locked in a cycle of never-ending violence. Death had been a gift. He flashed back to his pious, little speech about the sanctity of life. It had taken their deaths to teach him that life in hell wasn't sacred. It was just hell.

Conrad pushed him through the gym doors. "No rules. No time limit. Last man standing wins."

Toby sized up his opponent. "He has one arm cuffed behind his back."

"You wanted a fair fight." Conrad laughed.

Toby moved out into the middle of the gym floor. "Who the fuck are you?"

"The man that's gonna whup your ass and fuck it!" The big, toothless wonder smiled at him. "I only need one hand."

"Bring a condom?" Toby watched the CO's. They were ranged around them in a rough circle, and they were remarkably quiet. One was videotaping with a digital camera. Toby dodged a feint and started moving around the big ox. Big, slow, and one blow would knock Toby down, and he might not get up fast enough. He kicked out at the brute's nuts, and when his leg was blocked, followed with a punch to the ear. The fucker went down hard and bled. The anger that Toby stored away poured out, and he felt a rush. He moved away as far as he could and waited. His opponent got up, shook his head, and lumbered straight at him. Toby baited him, dodged, and shoved. Conrad went down under the behemoth, and Toby laughed at them all.

"Stupid fuckers!"

Conrad got up from the floor fast and furious. "You're not walking out of here alive!" He yanked his nightstick from his belt and knocked the poor ox out. "It's you and me, turd!"

Toby smiled. "No. It's me, you, and them." He pointed with his chin at the now open doors. "It's a nice evening to serve an arrest warrant."

The CO's didn't go quietly. Toby dropped to his knees, put his hands behind his head, and let the bloody double A batteries roll away from his hands. Poor, dumb ox hadn't had a chance. One of the cops shoved Toby flat and cuffed him tightly, but he could still see the action. Stabler looked intensely pleased as they led the CO's away in cuffs.

Toby smiled. This had been fun, in a fucked up kind of way. Stabler jerked Toby to his feet and looked him over. "You owe Munch a hundred dollars."

"I know." Toby smiled at Benson. "Nice to see you, Olivia."

"Get him to AdSeg," someone in a suit said. "And the other guy to the infirmary."

Stabler dragged Toby over to what had to be the warden. "He's going with us. He's due at Oz, and I doubt it's safe to throw him in AdSeg."

The warden glared. "The paperwork-"

"Will be processed by tomorrow." Benson was good at smoothing the way. "One of your CO's might try to get revenge for this. He's going with us. We'll get his statement so he can testify."

"Fuck that," Toby snarled.

Cragen took the warden aside and said some things that Toby couldn't hear. Stabler didn't wait. He started taking Toby with him. "Do you need to kiss your cellmate goodbye?"

"I think I'll skip it." Toby walked faster. The cuffs were cutting into his wrists. He wanted them off. "I did have a skin magazine I’d hate to fucking lose."

Stabler snorted and kept walking. Benson was right behind them. She stayed out of reach of grasping arms, and the catcalls were loud.

"Beecher, did you win?" One voice rang out over the others.

"You bet!" Toby nodded, but didn't slow down. Stabler might pull Toby's arm off. Toby yelled over his shoulder. "Fucker's in the infirmary!"

"Damn!"

Toby winced as Stabler moved even faster. Stabler growled softly, "Proud?"

"Relieved, but hey, there were bets placed. It's my job to inform the fucking public." Toby noticed that much of the normal processing of a prisoner was skipped over, and he was merely hauled out and shoved in their car. "Can I drive this time?"

"He's funny, isn't he?" Benson started the engine. "Take the cuffs off him before he bleeds on the upholstery."

Stabler leaned over the front seat and encouraged him to turn. Toby sighed in relief when they popped off. Stabler tugged him up. "Better?"

"Well, yeah, fucker." Toby rubbed his wrists. A few small cuts. He'd live. "It's going to take me awhile to stop cursing."

Stabler tapped him on the knuckles. "Your blood?"

"Mostly the dumb fucker's." Toby sat back and stretched. "Damn. This is weird. You sure I can just walk?"

Benson glanced back at him. "Huang warned us."

Stabler reached down and handed Toby a soda. "He did, but we couldn't leave Beecher to rot in the hole."

"A week or two wouldn't have killed him," Benson said with a smirk.

"Uh, hello? I can hear you." Toby drank the entire soda before coming up for air. He belched. "Fuck! Can I have another one?"

Stabler rubbed his forehead. "Oz or the house?"

Benson laughed. "I think Angus would have our asses."

"He'd hang you fuckers out to dry." Toby still had more adrenaline in his body than he could handle. He just felt tingly. "Col, that fucker, he gave me to them! Can you fucking believe it?"

"Was that the guy you were kissing?" Stabler didn't look at him.

Toby rubbed his arms and tried not to laugh. "Yeah. I'm a good kisser. Ask Benson."

Benson shot him a glare. "No. He won't."

Stabler looked at her. "I wish we had a car with glass."

"That would be nice."

Toby leaned up over the middle of the front seat. "This was seriously fucking fun. I can't believe I ever considered saying 'fuck no, ya fuckers.'"

Stabler sighed, and Benson did too. Toby let his eyes wander down Stabler's long body. Damn. Stabler was hot.

********

Stabler collapsed on the couch and groaned. He was tired. Beecher was finally asleep. He had practically needed to be sedated. Huang had predicted that Beecher would have a complete relapse into his prison identity. Wow, the doc had been right.

"He'll sleep," Angus said from the window.

"I hope so. I'm exhausted." Stabler yawned. "Go home."

"Sometimes I think he liked prison."

"He hated it, but for him, it's like old shoes. He knows exactly how to wear them." Stabler couldn't believe that Beecher liked prison. "He'll snap out of it."

"I hope so. When he first got out, he scared me once or twice." Angus rubbed his face and echoed the yawn. "He would suddenly curse and grin like a crazy man."

"Yeah. I've seen it." Stabler rubbed his face. "Go home to your family. I have the day off tomorrow."

Angus turned towards him. "You care about him, don't you?"

Stabler did not want to answer that directly. "His parole officer is stopping by, and I'll be here. Go on. He'll call."

"Interesting answer." Angus smiled at him. "I'm leaving. Call if you need backup."

Stabler got up and locked the door behind him. He had thrown off his coat and tie hours ago, even before Beecher had eaten an entire pizza and guzzled a liter of soda. The cursing had been non-stop and at times funny, as he'd related the details of his week. Benson had left earlier. Stabler gave in to temptation and looked in on his roommate.

Beecher was asleep. He'd thrown off the blankets and was sprawled in his briefs. Stabler leaned against the doorjamb and stared at him in the dim light. This was his chance to look, really look. It surprised him that he didn't find anything that worried him. It was Beecher. _Toby._

_"I'm not leaving until I have your word."_

Stabler knew it was his guilt talking, not Keller, but the words had to be said. "I'll take care of him."

*********

_"Hey, Chris! Where have you been?"_

_"Hanging out with Stabler." Chris kissed him hard and fondled his ass. "Damn. You're hot."_

_"Glad you like the package." Toby laughed. "No rush to leave. Right?"_

_Chris bit Toby's neck until Toby groaned. "Can't stick around."_

_Toby gripped him tightly. "Why?"_

_"Stabler needs you tonight. Don't worry, Toby. We'll catch up later." Chris kissed him again._

*********

Stabler couldn't leave. He wanted to because he knew he was somewhere he shouldn't be, but he couldn't. Beecher groaned softly. "Don't go."

Stabler went to the bed and stared down at him. Beecher wasn't awake, and most likely, he was dreaming of Chris Keller. Stabler sat down, pushed off his shoes, tossed his shirt, and leaned back against the headboard. He didn't touch him, but he didn't have to. Beecher moved right to him and relaxed into his shoulder. They touched, and Stabler had to shut his eyes to deal with the feelings that crashed through him.

"Tell Keller to beat it." Stabler didn't open his eyes, but he managed to lay his hand on Beecher's chest.

Beecher sighed softly. "Bye."

Stabler made up his mind he didn't want to know what Beecher was dreaming about. The night settled around them, and they breathed together.

*********

Toby woke up suddenly when something large rolled on top of him. His eyes sprang open, and the sight that greeted his weary eyes nearly sent him screaming from the room. That passed, quickly replaced by pure astonishment.

"If we were in prison, I would shank you for that."

Stabler jerked awake, his eyes in shock, and promptly fell off the bed. Toby went ahead and laughed. Stabler got up, and he should have stalked away. Instead, he sat on the bed and said softly, "Ouch."

"Um, hey, not that I mind, but why are you in my room?" Toby stretched and rolled so he was closer. He inhaled the wonderful smell of Stabler. It was like biscuits on a cold day.

"I was worried you'd do something stupid." Stabler fell back flat.

"Damn. I was hoping it was my ass." Toby made sure they weren't touching, even though he ached for it.

Stabler rolled to his side and braced his head on the palm of his hand. "You scored a bitch in four days?"

Toby heard a wealth of indignation. "No. It was two." He smiled. "If I'd have known you were going to visit, I wouldn't have been sucking his face!"

"That doesn't scrub the sight from my brain!" Stabler did seem angry. "Can't you keep your dick in your pants for one week?"

"He offered!" Toby couldn't believe this conversation. "What was I supposed to say, please don't suck my cock?"

"It would have been a start," Stabler growled. "I thought you were joking when you said you were easy."

Toby growled a curse word and jumped him. They tussled and rolled around on the bed. He wasn't serious about hitting him, and Stabler kept him away easily. Toby suddenly went limp and let Stabler straddle him. "Just fuck me and get it over with it."

Stabler glared down at him. "This is what I'm talking about."

Toby daringly touched Stabler's lips. "You were jealous, and it pissed you off. That's why you hit me with a fucking door!"

"That was an accident!" Stabler moved off him and sat down. It was a small thing that forcefully reminded Toby that it wasn't Chris on him. Chris never would have given up an advantage like that. Stabler stared at him. "But, I'm sorry."

Toby was surprised enough that words failed him. Instead, he reached and stroked his hand down Stabler's back. Stabler flinched. Toby sighed, pulled his hand away, and words tumbled out, "If you're never with me, I'm going to find other people."

"And if I did?"

Toby tried to catch those blue eyes, but they were unavailable. "Once a year would probably keep me from anyone else's bed."

Stabler looked at him now. "Don't you think we'll get remarried?"

"I never will. I'm a fucking loser, just a bad investment." Toby smiled. He edged closer again and rested his sore face on Stabler's leg. Stabler had never taken off his trousers, so it was safe. Toby was glad Stabler didn't deny those statements. It was all true. Genevieve had known it.

"Once a year?" Stabler cautiously put his hand in Toby's hair and wrapped a curl around his finger. "Growing it out long again?"

Toby wanted to purr. This was the touch he wanted. "Yes, and yes, and I know you're angry about Chris, which worries me on several levels."

"I got over it." Stabler shrugged. "One of these days, you'll look at me and see me, instead of him."

Toby sat up and put his hand on Stabler's bare and sexy chest. "I see you."

Stabler made a face that might have been disbelief. He looked away, grabbed his shirt, and left the bed. Toby collapsed to his back and stretched again. He could use some more sleep, and it felt good to know he wouldn't be shanked while it was happening. Shutting his eyes, he dozed until he smelled coffee. Damn. That was mean. Now he had to get up. Before he succumbed to coffee, he went and took a long, hot shower. He shaved, brushed his hair, and took a good look at himself. He didn't ache too much, and his leg was okay, which was a huge relief.

The knock on the bathroom door interrupted him. "What?"

"Johnson wants to talk to you, if you're through admiring yourself," Stabler said in a clear voice.

Toby opened the door and walked out. "Give me a minute to get dressed."

"A towel?" Stabler covered his eyes.

"Oh shit. Sorry." Toby had forgotten. Christ. He'd been in prison! He shrugged, too late now, and went to find some jeans and a T-shirt. The shirt said, 'fuck me' on it. Chris had given it to him as some sort of a twisted joke. Toby put on socks and padded out to the coffee.

"Hey, Beecher."

"Want some coffee, Johnson?" Toby got a mug and leaned against the counter. He was going to have to watch what he said. Stabler, luckily, had taken the bathroom.

"No thanks." Johnson looked him over. "You clean?"

"Just had a shower." Toby took a sip of what had to be the strongest coffee on Earth. He might never get back to sleep.

Johnson crossed his arms. "Did you use drugs or drink while you were at Rikers?"

"No, but I was beaten by CO's, with some help from Stabler. I did engage in risky sexual behavior, and I fucked up my cellmate when he tried to steal my bitch." Toby quit trying. Obviously, he wasn't going to watch his mouth. "I also participated in an illegal fight club and smoked about ten cigarettes."

"You smoked?" Stabler had stepped out of the bathroom, completely dressed, damn it, but those jeans did look good on him. "That's just wrong."

"Unfiltered, baby." Toby drank some more coffee. "This coffee is an illegal substance."

Stabler laughed. "For real men." He smirked. Toby raised his mug, saluted him, and tried not to wince as he took a drink.

Johnson wasn't amused by all this. "Beecher, do I need to search the place for a shank?"

"I've only been here about ten hours, and I slept most of it." Toby shrugged. "I didn't even buy one this time. Benson didn't want me killing anyone, and I like her."

Stabler stepped around him and filled up his coffee cup. "I saw those batteries on the floor."

"Damn. I was hoping you'd missed that." Toby took his coffee to the window and looked out at the day. "Johnson, I'm not going to go crazy."

"I hope not. Keep your curfew and go see Dr. Huang." Johnson went towards the door. "The next piss test will be a random one."

Toby waved goodbye. He tossed a grin at Stabler. "The guy was huge. I needed an advantage."

"Batteries make cheap brass knuckles." Stabler nodded. "Didn't they search you?"

"I hate to reveal trade secrets, but there are ways to hide things that don't involve a man's ass." Toby returned his gaze to the park. He was going to give himself a day to rest, and then he was going jogging.

"Your shirt is rude."

Toby turned around. "Yeah. It is. Funny though. I want the day off. No doctors."

"Better disappear then." Stabler checked his watch. "Fast."

"Shit." Toby stared at his feet. He didn't want to spill his guts to Huang today. "Let's go shopping."

"For what?"

"Something." Toby loved to look, but he had a hard time buying. "Nah. Forget it. Aren't you working?"

"Not today." Stabler began to hunt for something to eat. "Take that shirt off."

Toby put his coffee down, ripped the shirt off, and threw it at him. "Anything else of me you want?"

Stabler pulled the shirt off his back and held it with two fingers. "Uh."

Toby took his coffee to the couch. It was just a shirt, not a subliminal message. Well, Chris had given it to him. He turned on the TV and drank his coffee. His temper had flared unexpectedly, and he was smart enough to know that prison brought out the worst in him, and he seemed to like that person. That was what worried Johnson and Huang.

"Want some pizza?"

"Fuck off." Toby changed channels until he found the news. He didn't want anything, except Stabler.

"Talk nice, or I'll tune you up." Stabler took the chair. He had a plate full of pizza. "No more free shots with your cane."

Toby smiled a little and drank his coffee. Putting it down, he said, "I think we're about even. Do you think the guys at Oz were disappointed I didn't show up?"

Stabler gave him a funny look. "Were you?"

"Fuck no. Oz sucks. Rikers on a bad day is better than Oz." Toby told the truth, and yet, it wasn't. Going back to what he knew, instead of living in uncertainty, would be easier.

"And you got laid." Stabler's eyes were as dark as Chris's had ever been.

"I'm not that stupid." Toby suddenly shivered. He got up, found his shirt, and put it on. "It's just a shirt. It doesn't mean anything."

"Right." Stabler stared at the TV. "When's the last time you were tested for AIDS?"

Toby took his coffee cup to the sink, went to his room, and slammed the door. He did not need this shit today. His skin was still itchy from Rikers. He was tired from sleeping with one eye open, and this morning Stabler had rolled on top of him. The imprint of Stabler's morning woody was still on Toby's thigh. Toby paced and tried to find himself. He was not a drunk or a drug user, not today. When tomorrow turned into today, he'd face it again.

There was a knock on his door, and Toby opened it. "A house call? Damn, either I'm totally fucked up or you've lost your mind."

Huang smiled and stepped in the room. "Which is it, Toby?"

Toby slammed the door behind him. "Some of each." He went back to the window, braced his arms against the window frame, and pushed. "I'm okay, but I need a day to remember what I'm not."

"Interesting way to put it." Huang stared at the bed. "Rough night?"

Toby nodded. "Chris was pestering me." It wasn't a complete lie.

"Not surprising, given where you've been. Tell me what possessed you to put your life at risk again." Huang sat in the room's only chair. He was settling in for a siege.

Toby began to straighten the bed in the hope that it didn't look like two men had slept in it. "Did you know that no one gives a shit when a man is raped in prison?"

"Yes."

Toby appreciated the honesty. "I couldn't walk away from it."

"You could have been killed."

"I could be killed in the park." Toby finished the bed and went back to the window. It was frosted and looked out on nothing but a brick wall, but it was window. "I've done terrible things. If I can pay back a little by helping out SVU, I'm going to do it."

Huang nodded his head as if he knew about those things. He didn't. No one but Chris knew, and he wasn't talking. "Guilt is a powerful motivator. Are you sure you aren't doing it to impress Detective Stabler?"

"Impress him?" Toby had to turn and laugh. That was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. "Him? Have you been dipping in your meds again?"

Huang pointed at Toby's shirt. "You're sending a powerful message."

Toby took it off, hung it up, and found another shirt. This one said, "Bite me." He'd thought it was hilarious. Chris hadn't agreed, and neither had Robson, now there was a poor fucker. "How about this message?"

"Why not a suit and tie? Why not consult for your brother's firm?" Huang stood up. "Toby, you need to think about your future."

Toby knew better than to react in rage. Doctors loved it. "That's not the man I am," he said softly, "and I can't be who I'm not, not again."

"Who are you?"

Toby turned his back on Huang again. "Good and bad. Up and down. Right and left. Some of each and not much of anything. Prison stripped me to the core, right down to the bone. What's left is mine."

Huang made a soft sound, but whether it was denial or disgust was anyone's guess. "My recommendation is that you move to a more stable environment. You're teetering on the edge of addiction."

"I'll take it under consideration." Toby would think about it, but not for very long. "Thanks for checking up on me."

"You lie so easily." Huang's movement toward the door caught Toby's eye. "Does it worry you?"

Toby put his head down and shrugged, another lie, but this one with body language. "Sorry. It was nice that you stopped by. I'm in a mood."

Huang nodded. "One week. My office."

"I'll be there." Toby didn't follow him out of the room. He stayed to finish pouting. Lying didn't fall in the sole provenance of criminals. He refused to believe that his small life here was dangerous to his sobriety. If he were teetering, it was because he was alarmed at how easily he'd fallen into the rhythm of prison. Was ten years too long to be normal again? Hell, had he ever been normal?

"Are you in here making a shank from the mattress coils?"

Toby nodded. "Yeah. It seemed like a good use of my time. Dr. Huang thinks I'm losing it, Johnson thinks I'm lost, and you're standing in the door cracking jokes. One of these things is not like the other."

"Sesame Street." Stabler smiled at him. "Take a break from worrying about whether you might have to kill someone today. Let's go find something to do."

"What about your kids?" Toby knew how much Stabler loved them.

"My wife is running some serious interference there." Stabler shrugged his big shoulders. "I've decided to give her some time."

"But not fucking much."

"Exactly." Stabler nodded. "Next week will be different. You really want to stay in your room all day?"

Toby looked around. "Don't tempt me." He followed Stabler out the door. "Does my life really suck?"

"Do I have to answer that?" Stabler grabbed his car keys and cell phone. Toby got his cell phone and his wallet out of the drawer. He found his shoes, put them on, and trotted after Stabler. Stabler locked the door behind them.

"That's answer enough." Toby decided he didn't care where they were going. "Can I drive?"

********

Stabler pulled into the parking lot and glanced over at Beecher. "You can wait in the car."

"I owe Munch money." Beecher got out. "Is this what you do for fun on your day off?"

"Pretty much." Stabler wasn't going to lie. "I just want to check on things, and then we can go do something."

Beecher shrugged and followed him in the squad room. Munch accosted Beecher immediately, and Stabler stepped around them to head to the captain's office. "What's the news?"

"It's all going to stick. Fortunately, they were selling the videos on the internet." Cragen looked disgusted. "They tried to claim it was nothing but a warden-sanctioned activity."

"Beecher deserves a commendation." Stabler had to say it once. "He got the job done under difficult circumstances."

"The most I can give him is a paycheck." Cragen nodded though. "Not that he'll take it."

"What?" Stabler furrowed his brow. "He doesn't take the money?"

"Signs it over to the widow's fund." Cragen stood up. "He gives me a donation every month, not that I should be telling you this."

Stabler sighed. Now he knew where his rent was going. "Need anything today?"

"Go take it easy. There'll be something on Monday, Elliot." Cragen went with him out the door. "I'm going to talk to Beecher."

Stabler wandered over to his desk and checked his messages, but there was nothing from his wife. She was busting his balls lately, and he was tempted to drive there and find out why. Beecher was suddenly close to him.

"Anything from me?"

"Not today." Stabler nearly smiled. "Munch looks happy."

"Money does that to him." Beecher stuck his hands in his pockets. "Can I go now?"

Stabler rolled his eyes. "You work here."

"Don't remind me. That guy over there is glaring holes in my back." Beecher's eyes darted across the room.

Stabler gave a look. "That's Bert. He hates you. Don't worry about it."

"He carries a gun!" Beecher whispered fiercely.

Stabler took another look. Insight seeped over him. He'd never cared how many gay officers there were, even though coming out of the closet was a dangerous proposition. As long as they didn't end up as work on his desk, he didn't worry about it. Gay, straight, in a dress, he didn't care. It was the job that was important. He glanced at Beecher. "Okay, we'll go."

Beecher headed for the door. Stabler stopped at Munch's desk. "Don't spend it all in one place."

"Candy from a baby." Munch laughed.

By the time Stabler made it out into the parking lot, Beecher was sitting on the hood of the car. Stabler stopped there. "Where to?"

"Your car. You decide. I'll throw up when we get there." Beecher grinned at him. "I need a cigarette."

"You don't smoke. Keep reminding yourself of that." Stabler leaned against the car. "If you were gay, would you come on to me?"

Beecher's eyes got big. "We need to get you to a hospital. You're fucked in the head."

"Seriously. Would you?"

"Not if I liked my teeth." Beecher shrugged. "It says in Huang's file that I'm gay."

"It does? Does he know you date women and were married?" Stabler had never known what Beecher was but some of each was his best guess.

"He knows." Beecher threw up his hands. "I did come on to you. Remember?"

"Yeah, but you don't count. That's all about Keller." Stabler unlocked the doors. He had to hope none of his fellow officers thought he was gay. The job was hard enough. "Let's take a drive."

********

Toby didn't know where they were going or why. It was enough to roll the window down and enjoy the wind. He was nothing but a big, dumb Golden Retriever. What the hell was up with Stabler today? Gay? Keller?

"It wasn't all about Keller. Some of it was you." Toby had to say it. After all, the man had to have some pride.

"Liar." Stabler took them across the bridge. "Every time I think I have you slotted into the right hole, you jump out and roll off the table."

Toby just stared at him. That made no sense. This day was fucking weird. He'd woken up with a cop on top of him and things had gotten stranger every passing second. "Dr. Huang wants me to move home. He says I'm an inch from some sort of addiction."

"He's not all that happy with me either. I was supposed to move out so you could deal with Keller alone." Stabler didn't take his eyes off the road. "Is it an inch?"

"It's farther than he thinks." Toby stuck his hand out the window and played with the wind. "Heroin and booze don't fill up the empty spaces. They carve out new ones."

"Makes sense. Tell me why."

Toby rolled up the window and commandeered the radio. He was not listening to Oldies but Goodies all day. "He thinks I need structure and discipline. A job, a family, wake up, go to work, kind of life. It's a pretty common theory that staying clean means having a schedule and keeping to it."

Now Stabler looked at him. "What's he missing?"

Toby smiled at the intuitive question. "That ten years of nothing but structure makes a man awfully tired. I slept the first week I was out. It's been downhill from there. Structure makes me want to puke."

"You didn't mind Rikers though."

"It feels right to do what I'm told. It doesn't mean I like it." Toby found a better radio station. "I'm a good prag, but it makes me very, very angry."

"That's why you were giddy last night." Stabler reached over and squeezed Toby's shoulder. "Explain it to him like you did me."

"He doesn't really listen." Toby enjoyed the hand resting on him. It was a small thing that meant a lot. "He wants me to conform and that's the end of it."

Stabler's hand fell away. Toby wanted it back. He wanted this morning back, and this time he was going to get some good stuff for himself. Stabler sighed softly and stopped the car. Toby noticed where they were - suburbia. It took a few minutes, but kids began boiling from the house. Stabler's kids. He got out and started hugging them. Toby stepped out of the car and sat on the hood to watch.

A young boy wandered over to him. "That shirt is rude."

Toby looked down. "You want it?"

"You bet!" Such enthusiasm to misbehave. This was Stabler's boy?

Toby peeled it off and tossed it. "Go get me something else to wear."

The boy grabbed it and nodded. "Cool!" He dashed off.

Stabler glared at him. "What just happened?"

"He's getting me a nice Catholic shirt. He promised to put that one in the trash." Toby smiled sweetly. He did love Stabler, and it had nothing to do with Chris, nothing at all. It was an unfortunate reality that he'd never be able to convince Stabler of that.

"Here!" The boy ran up and handed Toby a blue wife-beater. "It's one of Dad's that was left here."

"Thanks." Toby stared down at it for a minute. The breeze brushed his hair back, but he knew it was Chris. With a shrug, Toby put it on and smiled at the boy. Stabler headed for the door, and by the set of his jaw, he was going to talk to his wife. She had run out of time fast. Toby stayed put. There was no way in hell he was getting mixed up in a domestic disturbance. The kids laughed and tumbled after their dad, and he carried two of them through the door. Toby smiled. He'd see his children soon, and with that thought uppermost in his mind, he called his brother.

"Toby?"

"It's me. Sorry I was such a pain in the ass last night."

Angus laughed. "I'll take that apology. My ears are still blistered."

"I'm already cursing less." Toby would work harder at it, so he was squeaky clean by the time he saw the kids. "It's Saturday. Am I invited to dinner tomorrow?"

"Don't be a dumb fuck, fucker."

"Hey, Angus. My kids better not be standing next to you." Toby laughed softly. "Stupid fuck."

Angus laughed some more. "Bring Stabler."

"No fucking way." Toby had to have heard that wrong.

"Way."

Toby would ask him, but the chances of him going were slim. "Okay. Thanks again."

"You owe me." Angus clicked off. Toby put his phone away and enjoyed the sun on his face. He could breathe, and it felt so good.

********

Stabler went to look out the window. Beecher looked perfectly happy waiting.

"You should have called."

"I know." Stabler turned to her. "Let me take them out for ice cream, and you can have a little time to yourself."

She frowned. She wanted to be in control all the time. Stabler compared her to the guy sitting on his car and had to choke back laughter. She made her own prison every day and loved it. Beecher was running as fast as he could from anything that resembled it. She shrugged. "Okay, but don't drop in tomorrow. I have company coming."

"Thanks." Stabler raised his voice. "Come on! We're going to get ice cream!"

Kids came from four different direction and they were all talking at once. He pointed at the door, and they went in a jumble of shoes and laughter. Instead of talking to her, she never listened, he followed them out the door. He would rather spend the day with Beecher than her, and it surprised him. She was right. He didn't love her anymore.

*********

Toby threw himself down on the couch and groaned. "Your kids are-"

"High energy?"

"Yeah." Toby shut his eyes and rested for a minute. Now he knew why Stabler worked all the time, to hide from his horde of children. "Angus invited you to dinner tomorrow."

Stabler grunted, but it wasn't an answer. He clicked on the TV, shoved Toby's feet off the couch, and sat down. Toby sat up and leaned into the other end so they weren't too close. He didn't watch TV. He let all the children tumble through his brain. It had been the best antidote for the post-prison anxiety.

"What are we going to eat tonight?" Stabler asked in all seriousness.

"I haven't been here. Did you buy groceries?" Toby knew the answer. He'd looked in the fridge at some point.

"You do that." Stabler slid him a look.

Toby went ahead and sighed. "Face it. I'm your bitch."

"Yep. I'm good with it." Stabler, the prick, didn't even crack a smile. Toby laid his head back and stared at the ceiling. He had time to go buy food, and he didn't mind going. The cashier at the grocer was cute. Stabler put his hand on Toby's arm. "I'm joking."

Toby reached out slowly and stroked his hand down Stabler's hand. "I rarely do anything I don't want to do."

Stabler looked right through him. "So I don't manipulate you?"

Toby heard Huang's words come out of Stabler's mouth. "No, and I'm not trying to impress you."

"It wouldn't work." Stabler rolled his eyes. Toby left his hand where it was and noticed that Stabler didn't seem to mind. Stabler tossed him the remote. "Let's go out to eat, somewhere nice."

"That sounds good, but I'm not fit for a public outing." Toby looked down at his chest. "I got chocolate on your shirt."

Stabler stood up. "Shower's mine."

Toby pushed his shoes off and stretched out. "Wake me when it's my turn."

********

Stabler showered and ignored his dick. It was easy. Practice made perfect. Beecher had touched him again. Deliberately. When Stabler comforted him, he turned it into sex, immediately. That wasn't right, but it didn't feel wrong. He knew Beecher loved him. But love? Love like exactly what? It was a mystery to him. He felt comfortable around Beecher, even protective, but love? None of this made sense to him. He kept trying to shove everything into a nice, labeled box, but it wasn't working.

Coming out of the shower, he checked the clock. It was about six. When was Beecher's curfew? Nine or ten? Stabler dried off, made sure Beecher was asleep, and went to his room. Before dressing, he snapped open his phone.

"Johnson."

"This is Stabler. I need a favor."

*********

Toby waited until Stabler padded into his room before getting up and going to shower. It was after six, so wherever they were going, they'd have to make it quick. He took the time to shave again. Stabler was a hard man to understand. He touched easily, but it meant nothing or not much. His kids loved him, but his wife had come out of the house and glared at him. She was still very angry. That didn't make any sense at all. She'd had Stabler in her bed, not regularly, but often. Women were fucked in the head. Toby wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out. Stabler was relaxed on the couch - in a suit.

"Suit?"

"Let's go down to restaurant row." Stabler didn't look at him.

"Not enough time." Toby wished he could.

Stabler smiled. "You have a dispensation for one night."

"If that's my reward for getting fucked by a bunch of CO's," Toby said, "I'm taking it."

"Can't wear a towel."

Toby didn't stand and argue. He went to his closet to find something nice to wear, and not his leather pants.

********

Stabler watched Beecher try to act calm, but it wasn't working very well for him. "You okay, Beech?"

"Yeah." Beecher nodded. "Noisy."

Stabler shrugged and sipped his beer. They'd taken a cab, and he could indulge himself. Beecher was having iced tea, but he had licked his lips. Stabler had tried not to notice, but he was a cop. "Let's talk about my rent."

"Why? Is your check going to bounce?" Beecher fiddled with his silverware, probably dreaming of shanks.

"No, but I could just make it out to the widow's fund and save you some time." Stabler gave him a hard look. "Right?"

"It'd make it easier on my taxes if you pay rent." Beecher didn't sound embarrassed or contrite. He drank his tea and looked over his shoulder. "Can I sit in that chair?"

It was the chair closest to Stabler and with its back to the wall. "That guy too close?"

"Yes." Beecher picked up his tea and moved. He rearranged the plates, cutlery, and assorted items before looking at Stabler. "I know I'm weird, okay?"

"I didn't say a word." Stabler took a bite of bread, mostly to combat the beer he was drinking. "He looks harmless."

"He's on drugs," Beecher said very softly, "and he's abusing his girlfriend."

Stabler nearly stood up. "How the hell do you know that?"

"Trust me. I've been the bitch." Beecher put his napkin in his lap. "Look at her fear, and his aggressive movements."

"I'm not working." Stabler looked anyway. He didn't like what he saw, and the fact that Beecher had ever played the bitch made Stabler's blood run hot. "Why do you notice these things?"

"Prison makes it happen. It's called survival." Beecher rubbed the back of his neck. "And I'm still wired."

"I noticed." Stabler sighed. "I can't arrest him. He hasn't done anything."

Beecher nodded. He understood. He'd been a lawyer. "Not all of it goes to the widow's fund."

"Really? Pizza for the rest?"

"I set up a college trust fund for little Maria." Beecher tried to smile, but couldn't. "She wants to be a dentist. It takes money."

Stabler was glad to hear it. He liked that family. The father was a low life skel, but he was out of the picture, for now. "And the father?"

Beecher scooted his chair closer, just a little. "Shanked. Two weeks ago. Dead."

Stabler dropped his bread. "No shit?"

"None. Alvarez called me." Beecher gave him a wry look. "There's a turf battle going on over at Oz. Little Maria barely knew him, but she cried."

"I hate to say it, but they might be better off."

"Maybe." Beecher sighed. "Have you seen the baby? He's cute."

"No. Do I live in the same building as you?" Stabler was reminded again that he missed a lot of what went on in his apartment building.

"Yeah. I think so. The checks keep coming." Beecher leaned back. "I was going to tell you, but the thing came up, and I got distracted. Sorry."

Stabler understood that. He couldn't help but draw a comparison between his wife and Beecher. She always told him things he'd missed in a nasty voice. Beecher apologized for not mentioning it sooner and keeping him up to date. There was a world of difference in their attitudes here, and it was perplexing. Of course, he wasn't married to Beecher.

"Elliot, your wife is pissed at you." Beecher didn't smile. He was serious. "Is the divorce final?"

"No." Stabler wasn't sure he liked being called by his first name. It almost sounded intimate here in this place, and he knew his wife was angry. He still wasn't sure why though.

"Want me to look into it?" Beecher honestly wanted to help. It was all over his face. Stabler shook his head. That was his private mess, and he wanted to keep it that way. Beecher shrugged. He wouldn't push. "Okay, but don't lose the farm."

"She can have whatever she wants." Stabler told part of the truth hesitantly.

"If that were true, it would have been final some time ago." Beecher knew too much about lawyer stuff.

Stabler sighed and hoped dinner got here soon. He needed food, and his beer was almost gone. Telling the rest of truth wouldn't kill him. "I want unscheduled visits. She's insisting on a schedule, like a year in advance."

"That's unreasonable." Beecher gave the guy another look. "Excuse me. I'll be right back."

Stabler forced himself to merely watch as Beecher took three steps and whispered in the guy's ear. Whatever he said had a remarkable effect. The guy turned pale, swallowed hard, and nodded. Beecher patted him on the shoulder and returned to his seat. Stabler picked up the conversation again. "Yes. It is."

"And your lawyer is-"

"A prick." Stabler hated to say it, but it was true. "And I don't think he likes cops."

"Who does?" Beecher smiled now. He didn't do enough of it. "Fire him. I'll take care of this."

"You're disbarred." Stabler didn't mean to hurt him. It was just the truth.

"I noticed." Beecher finally began to eat some bread. "I won't be acting as your attorney."

"Good. I have enough trouble." Stabler was glad to see their dinner approaching. He thought Beecher looked relieved also. When the waiter was gone, Stabler asked, "You sure?"

"Positive. Trust me." Beecher gave him a look that dared him to do it. "And don't worry, you will get the bill."

Stabler saw the gleam in Beecher's eye. Little Maria was going to college on Stabler's pocketbook. He thought it over carefully. It wasn't a matter of trust. It was a matter of privacy. He bit the inside of his lip and made up his mind to let Beecher into every part of his life. "I'll do it Monday. I want this over with."

"By Friday." Beecher nodded. He did seem to be enjoying his food. The food at Rikers was bad, or so Stabler had heard.

"What'd you say to that guy?" Stabler asked softly. He didn't want to talk about his divorce any longer.

"That's privileged information." Beecher concentrated on his food. "Eat. I can't make it in here much longer."

Stabler appreciated the honesty. He ate faster and skipped a refill on the beer. Keeping up with Beecher tonight was going to require all his wits.

********

Toby wasn't sure what it was about the restaurant that had put him on edge. It could have been the crush of people, the gay waiter, and the guy doing cocaine behind him, or Stabler's keen eyes and wounded heart. His wife had hurt him. Toby would get him his unscheduled visits. It was no problem. The food was excellent, and he enjoyed each bite, but didn't linger and moan.

"How long is it going to take for you to detox?"

"Longer than a day." Toby wasn't going to worry about it. "It was pretty stressful. Oz was easier because I knew the rhythm."

"I can see that. If there's anything I can do, let me know. I feel responsible." Stabler's blue eyes were so honest.

"My choice." Toby ran his hand over his still-bruised face. It'd heal. "The lip is on you though."

Stabler dropped his eyes to his groin. "I still have a bruise or two."

Toby shrugged. He wasn't going to wallow in guilt over it. "Sorry about that. I kinda lost control."

"I noticed, so shut up about the door," Stabler growled. "Where are we going next?"

"Toys R Us." Toby liked the look of chagrin on Stabler's face. "I'm seeing my kids tomorrow, and it's been two weeks. Presents are required."

Stabler could understand that. "How do you handle Angus's kids?"

"With presents. They're my kids too." Toby pulled out his wallet and put down two hundred dollar bills. "Let's go. You're done."

Stabler looked at his plate. Close enough. "Okay. I was going to buy."

"It was a business meeting. It'll be on your bill." Toby began to think that messing with Stabler was a tremendous amount of fun. "Got your gun?"

"You know the answer to that."

"When he turns, and he will, make sure it shows." Toby wiped his mouth, stood up, and Stabler did the same. Stabler waited until the guy looked and then he adjusted his coat, pulled his badge from his pocket, and clipped it on his belt right next to his gun. He was good at subtle intimidation. Toby nodded in satisfaction. "Thank you."

"Are we ready?"

"Yes." Toby headed for the door and took several deep breaths as soon as they were out on the sidewalk. He made sure he was out of people's way. Breathing seemed important for a minute. "Good food. Thanks for dinner."

"You're welcome," Stabler said dryly. "Is it the suit that turns you into a lawyer?"

"I suspect it does." Toby pointed at his head. "I'm not really sane. Not after ten years in hell."

Stabler's eyes widened. He raised one eyebrow. "Does Huang know?"

"Oh yeah." Toby started walking. He was glad when Stabler fell into step beside him. "If I were you, I'd reconsider your decision to live with a crazy skel."

"I do every day." Stabler didn't look at him in disgust. "That's the real reason you don't work at the family firm, isn't it? You think you're nuts."

"I know I'm nuts, because I remember very faintly what it was to be normal, well, kinda normal." Toby found it interesting that he didn't mind talking about these things with Stabler. "The firm would find me a liability, and it wouldn't take long before I'd be forced out. Why put the family through that?"

Stabler stopped and bought a paper from a sidewalk vendor. "I think you're busy enough. You run the building and help out SVU, and I know your brother consults with you. You probably work in a soup kitchen when I'm not looking."

Toby wasn't going to admit to that. He'd look like a complete sap. "Benson has mentioned to me several times that I can never live up to your moral code and not to try."

"She said that?" Stabler nudged Toby out of the way of an elderly man. "She's a good partner."

"She knows you." Toby stopped at the corner for the light. Stabler was right next to him, and God help him, he liked it. Toby didn't worry about staying straight with Stabler, not much. Stabler was completely inflexible when it came to certain things, but it wasn't something Toby was going to stand around and argue about. Chris had been the same way, and occasionally, God help them all, he'd been right.

"You worry about it?"

"Keeping clean so you like me?" Toby shook his head. "No. You'll never forgive me for being drunk and killing a child. We both know that. I stay clean because I love my children."

The light changed, and they both quickly crossed the street. Stabler waited until they were close to Toys R Us before saying another word, and then he let Toby have it. "You ever drink around me, and I'll drive you to Oz personally, and if you know that, why did you let me through your front door?"

Toby stopped. He wasn't going to have this conversation inside the store. Leaning against the wall and pulling his coat a little tighter, he said, "I don't need you to forgive me or even like me. I assumed you didn't for a long time."

"I don't understand you at all!" Stabler faced off with him.

"Sorry about that, but this is simple." Toby spotted a working girl and pointed at her. "That's a whore. We both know it. She does her best to get by. You'll never respect her for the things she's done, and we both know that she's never going to change. But if you needed a hand, she'd give it. Do you know why?"

Stabler rubbed his forehead. "Because she's doing her best, even if it ain't much."

"Exactly." Toby spread his hands. "I do my best. I don't need your approval of me because I know it's unattainable."

Stabler pursed his lips. "You don't think much of me."

"Oh, exactly the opposite. I think quite highly of you, and I expect you to live up to that by never thinking highly of me." Toby pushed away from the wall. That was enough talk for a week or two. "Let's go buy some fucking candy."

"I get to hand it out." Stabler laughed softly at the shock on Toby's face. "That's right. I'm going with you to dinner."

Toby wasn't sure that was a good idea. "I better not fucking curse."

"Better not."

********

Stabler waited until Beecher had gone to bed before mulling over the conversation again. He did have problems with Beecher's past. Beecher was not a Boy Scout and never would be again. He'd killed, and if pushed, he might again. People didn't change. They smoothed over the wrinkles, but inside was the same man or woman that had killed. Stabler knew it. He'd killed. He could again. Turning off all the lights, he made sure the door was locked. However, all of that didn't mean he had no respect for Beecher. Did it? Beecher thought he was shit, but that wasn't true. Alcoholics were never famous for their self-esteem.

"Hey, Stabler!"

Stabler walked the short distance to Beecher's room. "What?"

"You can sleep with me." Beecher was serious. "Again."

Stabler looked close for a smirk, but there wasn't one. "I think you'll be fine."

"Never know. I might have a flashback or a bad dream." Beecher stretched lazily. "I could use some company."

"You're shameless." Stabler spotted the erection now. "And you're doing this to see if I'll pull my gun and shoot you."

"Yep." Beecher wrapped himself around his pillow. "Seriously, thanks for a pleasant evening."

"You're welcome." Stabler unclipped his gun. "Get some sleep."

Beecher still had the lamp on, but he shut his eyes. "Will do."

Stabler went to his room, stowed his gun and shield, and got ready for bed. It was long past midnight, but he had enjoyed the evening with Beecher. Beecher had been impossible, unpredictable, slightly paranoid, and prone to talking far too loud in a crowd. All in all, it had been a tour inside the slightly skewed mind of Tobias Beecher. He wasn't crazy. He was just different. Thanks to alcohol, heroin, and Oz. Oh, and probably some Nazis. Stabler crawled into bed and shut off the light. He liked him. God help him.

********

Toby woke up in a full panic. "What the fuck?" He had no idea where he was, even with the light on. Trying to steady his breathing, he stared at the open door. No bars. He was okay. This wasn't prison. He could relax.

"Hey. You okay?" Stabler came through the door in his tight briefs.

Toby stared at him in complete confusion for a good minute. "You're Elliot. Okay. I know where I am," he mumbled the words. This was fucking embarrassing. "Go back to bed."

Stabler smiled wickedly. "I can try out yours again."

Toby wasn't sure why, but something about this was wrong, and he tried to get away. Stabler pinned him and licked Toby's face. "This is gonna be fun, Bitcher."

Vern laughed. "Break his arms while you're there!"

"No! No! No!" Toby struggled wildly and hit the floor hard. His body jolted from the impact, and he realized that now he was awake. "Fuck."

"Toby! You okay?" Stabler came through the door in jeans, but nothing else.

"Out!" Toby pointed at the door. "Get the fuck out!" He couldn't bear for Stabler to see him like this. Vulnerable. Weak. Wounded. "Out!"

Stabler raised his hands. "Let me help." He went to one knee and reached. "Please."

"Don't talk like that to me!" Toby knew he was irrational, but he couldn't stop. "Slap me around and get out!"

Stabler helped him onto the bed. They were close, and Toby suddenly collapsed. He couldn't think straight. Stabler wrapped him up and stroked the sweaty hair off Toby's forehead. "Just breathe. It's okay."

"A lot you fucking know." Toby tried to breathe. It was all stuck in his throat, but slowly the warmth and compassion of Stabler overcame him. Fatigue crept through him, and he relaxed. Shit. He was fucked. This was wrong.

"I'll stay. Sleep." Stabler settled Toby into the crook of his shoulder. "I'll watch your back."

Toby shut his eyes. He didn't have the courage to demand Stabler leave, and honestly, he didn't want that.

********

Stabler woke up in Beecher's bed again. This wasn't good, mainly because he'd slept well and was comfortable curled around him. He didn't want to know what was happening to him or why he was making these poor decisions. Beecher slept with all the vulnerability of a broken child, and it touched him somewhere deep. Yes, Beecher had made mistakes in his life, but it didn't mean he was a terrible person. Or so Stabler hoped.

"Gonna fall off the bed?"

Stabler looked down into laughing, blue eyes. "Not this morning. You're a pain in the ass, know that?"

Beecher let his eyes roam. Stabler suddenly felt weak in the knees. He was vulnerable in this bed, holding this man. Beecher's arm was across Stabler's chest, and he gently stroked his hand across him. "May I touch you?"

Stabler refused to believe he could want that. No amount of persuasion could convince him. Beecher's hand seemed to imprint itself into Stabler's skin. "Better not."

Beecher sighed. He wasn't getting up. "You need to stay out of here. If I'm miserable, I'm miserable. You have to stay away."

Stabler suddenly smelled him. It was like someone had turned his nose on, and he breathed deep. Their skin touched, and Beecher only had on his briefs, which did nothing to hide his hard-on. Stabler felt his jeans get a smidge tighter. Shit. "Not really my nature."

"But you're playing with fire. I can't resist you. You know that. Don't deny it." Beecher should have moved away when he said those words, but he didn't.

"I guess I keep thinking that it's not me you want. It's Chris Keller." Stabler noticed his hands were rubbing him. He had to stop. Stop.

Beecher said nothing for a long time. Stabler kept thinking he'd get up and leave, but he wanted an answer. Beecher seemed completely relaxed, and when he moved, it was a shock. Stabler stared up at the man straddling him. This was paramount to an attack. Beecher poked him in the chest. "Chris had a scar there, and there, and there. You're taller than him by about an inch, but I think his chest was bigger. In all the time I knew him, I never trusted him. I never knew if he'd kill me or love me. I'm not sure he knew either. He broke my arms, slapped me, beat me, hurt me, and made me love him. His idea of fun was mindfucking me until I cried, which happened more than once. There is one thing I know for sure. You're not him. Not him!"

Stunned amazement coursed through Stabler's brain. "Why did you love him?" Those were the only words he could push out.

"I didn't have any choice in the matter," Beecher said dryly. He hopped off the bed and disappeared out the door. Stabler sat up and rubbed his face. He felt assaulted with the truth. The words 'battered wife syndrome' came back to him. Beecher came back in the room, grabbed some jeans, and put them on. "You look stunned. Sorry. I'll make some coffee. It'll help you recover."

Stabler beat a retreat to his room, the safety of more clothes, and some quiet to think. One thing was for sure: he hadn't understood the relationship between Keller and Beecher.

********

Toby heartily regretted speaking so honestly about Chris. That kind of love wasn't simple. He had loved Chris, and he knew in his heart that Chris had loved him. It hadn't been enough, and it had hurt too much of the time, but it had been love. Fucked up love, but what the hell. It had been better than nothing.

_"It's still better than nothing."_

"Chris, I really need you to shut up right now," Toby muttered. He rubbed his face, started the coffee, and contemplated the contents of the fridge. He wasn't hungry, not after that huge meal last night, but he had to shop today for next week. It was going to be a busy week. He was behind on the apartment business, and he had to handle Stabler's divorce, not to mention Huang, Johnson, and God only knew who else would show up to mess with him. And he was supposed to meet for lunch with Tom and the guys. Good thing he didn't have an actual job or he'd go nuts.

"When's dinner?"

Toby shut the fridge door. "You're really going?"

"Yes." Stabler crossed his arms and looked stubborn. "I'm driving you there and back, and I intend to eat."

Toby sat on a barstool and leaned on arms. "Since you have a gun, I'll nod and smile."

"Do that." Stabler turned on the TV. He still looked stunned. Too much information could do that to a man like him. He was most likely packing in that bedroom of his. Toby would never know because the door was always shut. The coffee was done, so he got a cup and took it to his desk. A couple of weeks ago, he'd purchased a small desk for his computer. He'd tucked it into the corner of the room. At this rate, he was going to need a bigger place to live. He looked around. No. Enough was enough. Sitting down, he opened his laptop. Stabler was getting coffee, and he came over close. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Toby kept his answer simple. It was also the absolute truth.

"I've been known to smack you around. Not much. But-"

Toby opened his email and began deleting spam. "Really? I hadn't noticed. I was too busy going to jail."

"Not funny," Stabler growled and went back to the TV. Toby smiled after him and sent a few emails. He told his brother that Stabler was coming along, and he checked on Sister Pete. He hadn't for a while, but he wouldn't feel guilty about it. Tom was next, and Toby kept it short. Next, he sent out email reminders that the rent was due to his tenants that had computers. He'd get Maria one soon.

Stabler went to his room, and Toby reminded himself not to notice what the big cop was doing. Right. Toby saw the door was partially open, and curiosity got the better of him. He padded over to the door and looked inside. "Holy Mary, Mother of God!"

Stabler turned and glared. "It's not that bad, and don't pretend to be Catholic."

Toby put his hand to his head. "I'll go buy a shovel."

"Out!" Stabler threw a shirt at him. It was easy since they littered the room.

"How the fuck do you find your gun in this disaster?" Toby let the shirt hit his chest and slide to the floor. He rubbed his eyes to make it go away. It didn't work. "This is a fucking fire hazard. That's it. I'm calling in the big guns."

Stabler couldn't look any meaner. "Wait one minute, you little prick!"

Toby didn't wait. He headed right out the door and down the hallway. Maria's grandmother looked confused at first, but she responded instantly to the money. Toby took her and little Maria back to his apartment.

Stabler had shut the door again. "What's going on?"

"Grandma is going to clean your room. You're going to thank her." Toby picked up little Maria and smiled at her. "We're going for a walk in the park."

Little Maria laughed. "Ice cream?"

"It's the morning. We'll get breakfast." Toby laughed with her. "Elliot, are you coming or are you going to stay and cry?"

"Toby. I am going to-" Stabler looked almost incandescent with anger. Toby used little Maria as a shield and got out of the apartment without being shot. It was a nice day to go for a walk, and she bounced every step of the way. She'd come a long way since they'd met.

"How's your baby brother, sweetie?"

"He cries all the time!" Maria looked indignant. "Mama does too."

Toby sighed. He would have to talk to her. They might be happier if they went back to El Salvador. Life was never simple. Oz had driven that point home. Maria ran to play on the slide, and Toby sat on a bench. He couldn't help it that he loved her and wanted them to stay.

"I couldn't watch," Stabler said and dropped onto the bench next to him. "Asswipe."

Toby sighed at him. "Sorry. It had to be done." He patted him on the knee. "Thank God you weren't my cellmate."

********

Stabler tried his best not to wither under the gaze of Victoria Beecher, but it was difficult. If she had a shank, he'd be dead. Beecher didn't seem to notice, but he always managed to be looking somewhere else. The food was good, the kids behaved, and Beecher didn't curse, all victories of a sort, but Mrs. Beecher looked pissed. Stabler hoped he got out of here without getting his ass chewed.

Beecher doted on all the children, but he took the time to include Stabler in the conversation. This was all very civilized, so why did Stabler's shoulder blades itch?

"You're _Detective_ Stabler?" It was Holly: Beecher's oldest and a beautiful, young lady. She was sitting across from him, but this was the first time she'd spoken directly to him.

Stabler made the fast decision to treat her as an adult. "Yes. I'm a police detective."

"I thought so. Harry thinks you're great, but I know you sent my dad to prison. For nothing!" Holly didn't pull her punches. She was angry. "It was wrong!"

The dining room went very quiet. Stabler could hear Beecher breathing. Victoria looked pleased. He nodded. "It was. I apologized to him."

"He could have died." Holly lowered her eyebrows. "Did they punish you?"

"Yes. I took a rip." Stabler didn't explain what that was. "A lot of people were angry with me."

She looked at her dad. "And you like him?"

Beecher nodded. "It was an accident. He's a good cop, and he never meant for it to happen."

Stabler wasn't always sure about some of that. He saw Angus's slight smile, pride in Holly. Victoria stood up. "Toby, help me with the dessert please."

Beecher went with her, and Stabler looked right at Angus. "You're enjoying this a little too much."

"Maybe so." Angus loosened his tie. "Toby seems to have come back quickly."

"He saw Huang, and I took him out for ice cream." Stabler smiled. He didn't want to talk about that in-depth with Holly listening. "Nice bunch of kids."

Angus's wife, Mary, caught Stabler's attention. "Do you have children, Elliot?"

"Four." Stabler nodded. "One set of twins." He sipped his coffee. He liked these people, and he could almost taste the anguish that Beecher had put them through. It was never easy as a cop to face the families that were destroyed in a moment of anger or carelessness. "Tell me Angus. Do you agree with Toby's decision not to work at the firm?"

Angus looked at his wife quickly and then back at him. "Toby has a difficult time with-"

"People in general," Beecher said. He helped his mother serve everyone, even the kids.

Stabler used the correct fork and tasted the cake. It was excellent, of course. Beecher sat down next to him again.

"Not people, just fools." Victoria fired a warning shot over Stabler's bow.

Beecher shrugged. "Mostly that's the same thing. Angus, does the firm have any older computers that need replaced?"

"Usually. I can check. How many do you need?"

"As many as you can spare." Beecher was up to something, but Stabler couldn't guess what. "I'm also going to need to use the firm's resources on Monday. Is it a problem?"

Angus shook his head. "No. Who's your client?"

"That's confidential." Beecher shook his head. "I'll make sure the paperwork gets to you."

Stabler was glad that Beecher wasn't going to air his dirty laundry at this dinner table.

"I hope you actually bill this client."

"I intend to." Beecher smiled at Angus. "I always do when they can pay."

Stabler doubted it, and he made a note to ask Beecher how many clients he'd represented. "Doesn't that disbarment thing get in the way?"

"No, not really." Beecher pushed his dessert away. "Our legal system was set up to ensure people of some kind of representation."

Angus wiped one of little one's mouth. "Get with me."

"Will do." Beecher leaned over and whispered to Harry, "Let's go play video games."

"May I be excused, please?"

Stabler watched a mass exodus of the children, led by Beecher. He made his own break for the door. "I'm with them."

Victoria shook her head slightly. "One more moment, please."

Stabler could hardly say no to such a pleasant invitation. When the room was clear, Angus shut the door, and Stabler waited to hear it. Angus smiled tightly. "I'm going to petition the court to have Toby's parole set aside."

"How much longer does he have?" Stabler wanted to know that first. Beecher would never tell him.

"Two years." Angus shrugged. "We have a strong case for it. His work with SVU being foremost."

Victoria finally weighed in. "We want you to support this and testify for him."

"Have either of you spoken to Dr. Huang?" Stabler wasn't going to agree to anything, not yet.

"I will next week." Angus nodded. "Have you talked with him?"

"That little thing about confidentiality makes things messy." Stabler finished his coffee and cake. "I will say that I think it's unlikely your petition will be granted."

"That's why we need you." Victoria hadn't touched her cake. "And my son has earned your help."

Stabler looked at all of them, one at a time. "Toby has done an excellent job for SVU, but that doesn't translate into a free pass. His parole officer, Brad Johnson, has expressed some concerns. I think, Angus, that you need to investigate this thoroughly, making sure to interview Toby, before you follow this course of action."

"You won't help us," Victoria said flatly. "Angus, I did tell you."

"Stabler, I'll do my homework, but if Toby needs an advocate, he can count on you, right?"

Stabler wiped his mouth and got up from the table. He wasn't going to give these people any hope. "Dinner was excellent. Thank you. I'm going to track down those video games." He shut the door quietly on the three of them. One thing was for sure. Beecher was going to be angry when he found out what his family was up to. The house was large, but finding them was easy for a detective, and he smiled at the scene.

"Come over here. We'll race cars," Beecher said.

"Winner races Elliot," Harry said quickly. Holly had curled up with a book, and the little ones were piled in Toby's lap, trying to help him drive. Stabler sat down next to her and peeked at her book. It looked gloomy.

"I still think it was rotten."

"Okay, but if he can get over it, will you in another year or two?" Stabler couldn't help but like her.

"Maybe. Dad, did you forgive him or just let it slide like usual?"

Stabler's eyebrows went up. Ouch. She went right for the throat. Beecher's car spun out of control, and he laughed before he answered, "I actually forgave him. He swears he didn't intend for me to get hauled off with the other perps."

"Swearing is good. He might have meant it." Holly turned the page and lowered her eyes. Stabler had to agree with the Beecher boys. Holly was going to be lawyer and the world better look out. Beecher put the joystick down and started tickling the ones in his lap. Stabler got over there before it was too late and Beecher claimed the game again.

Harry grinned at him. "You're going to lose."

Beecher laughed. "Harry, you're in more trouble than you know. He can drive a real car like that."

Stabler flexed his fingers. He'd worry about the rest of it later.

********

Toby had the feeling that Stabler was ready to go, but he wanted to put the kids to bed first. "Give me thirty more minutes."

"Then we gotta go. With traffic, it'll be close." Stabler looked at his watch.

"I hear you." Toby left him with Angus in the den and herded all the kids upstairs. Mary was already there, and they worked together to get the ruffians into bed. He lingered over Holly the longest. "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah, Dad." She paused. "You sure he won't do it again?"

"I'm sure." Toby kissed her and held her. "Why don't we plan a weekend just for us?"

"Could we?" Her eyes lit up. "No football."

"I can't promise that. Elliot lives there too, but he's usually not around." Toby smiled at his sweet baby. "I'll work it out with Angus and Mary. You make a list of places you want to go."

"I will." She snuggled in tight and shut her eyes. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you, Holly." He kissed her again and shut her door quietly. She called him Dad. Harry didn't. Huang would definitely call this family dysfunctional.

Mary came out of a bedroom and gave him a quick hug. "Go on before you get in trouble."

"Yes, ma'am." Toby smiled. "Holly is really growing up."

"Puberty is never easy." Mary nodded. "Go."

Toby went down the stairs two at a time. Angus threw him his coat. "Toby, get moving."

"I'll call you. Holly wants to come for a weekend. Find one, okay?" Toby put it on and caught Stabler's pointed look at the door.

"Okay." Angus opened the door. "Get."

Toby waved goodbye. His mother had retired earlier to her apartment in the back. Stabler was right behind him. "I'm not using the siren."

"Just drive like normal. We'll make it." Toby made sure his seat belt was adjusted correctly. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"I had two extra hours. I haven't been able to put them to bed for a long time." Toby looked out the window at the speeding landscape. "If you get a ticket, I'm laughing myself sick."

"I'll have my lawyer get me out of it."

Toby thought that was pretty funny, but he was tired of smiling. It was still hard to smile and laugh like a normal person. He wasn't. Normal. Normal people didn't think about the people they'd killed. He rubbed his hands down his jeans. He'd definitely been underdressed for the evening. Stabler had worn his customary suit, and even Angus had worn a tie. Oh well. What were they going to do, throw him out of the family? Probably not, at this point. They should've done that years ago, but it was too late now.

"What did the family quiz you about?" Toby had noticed the time lag and the slight look of guilt from Stabler when he'd turned up in the den.

Stabler loosened his tie. "I'm not sure I want to be in the middle of this."

Toby got that queasy feeling in his guts. His mother was pushing her agenda again. "Let me guess. They want you to help me get off parole?"

Stabler shot him a hard look. "More or less."

Toby wasn't completely surprised. His mother was convinced that Toby would move home, if his parole were set aside. She had, no doubt, thrown a heap of guilt at Stabler. "Elliot, my apologies. My mother has a plan."

"Don't worry about it." Stabler changed lanes quickly without looking over his shoulder. Toby began to hope he got home safely, better late than never. He would tear Angus a new one at some point this next week, after the computers were delivered. Stabler's cell phone rang, and Toby had to shut his eyes. He couldn't watch him drive and talk.

"Stabler."

Toby waited to hear that he should be delivered directly to Oz. At least he'd be alive.

"I'll meet you there. Beecher's riding shotgun." Stabler hit the siren, put the light on the dash, and started really driving. Toby managed not to cover his eyes. Stabler snapped his phone shut. "Call Johnson. You're going to be late."

Toby dug out his cell phone. He was staying in the car. Well, after he got out and threw up. Christ.

********

"Beecher looks like he might puke!" Munch barked a short laugh.

Stabler looked back at him. "That was my driving. He says I suck."

"You?" Benson shook her head. "Where were you two?"

"His family invited me for dinner. I went." Stabler opened his notebook. He didn't want to talk about Beecher. It was time to work. "Okay, where are we at?"

********

Toby leaned against the car and watched him work the crime scene. It was a bloody one, and there would be a funeral soon. Stabler was a mixture of complete control and simmering anger. It was effective in getting answers from people. Only the most hardened person wouldn't produce the truth.

"The detective wants you taken home," a uniformed cop came up to him and said. He looked as if he'd rather eat shit and die.

Toby stood firmly on his feet. "I need to ask him something first. Give me a minute."

The cop glowered, but Toby made his way through the scene until he was close enough. "Stabler!"

Stabler turned and marched over to him. "Go home. I'm going to be working this all night."

"A cab?" Toby didn't like the looks of that cop.

"No." Stabler shook his head, and it was clear that he was through discussing this. Toby sighed and went back to his ride.

The cop smirked. "What'd you want? A kiss?"

"A little respect wouldn't kill him." Toby considered going back and asking again.

"Right. You're nothing but a faggot skel. He'll never forget that." The cop opened the back door of his black and white. "Watch your head."

Toby got in and hoped they were through talking. The cop was a prick. The ride back to his apartment couldn't get finished fast enough, and he had to wait for the cop to come around and open the door. Toby was through talking, but the cop wasn't.

"Good night, faggot." The prick laughed. "Unless you want to suck my dick."

Toby shoved his hands in his pockets so he didn't hit him. "No. Thanks." He walked quickly inside and up the stairs. Slamming the door, he looked out the window to make sure the cop had left. "Fucker."

The apartment was dark, and he flipped on the light. He was nothing but a skel, so why did Stabler sleep with him? Toby didn't have any answers. Chris would tell him to shank him. Cops couldn't be trusted. Right. Like convicts could. After ten years behind bars, Toby didn't think he had the social skills to deal with this problem. It was too much. His pocket chimed at him, and he pulled out his cell phone.

"What?"

"You home?"

"Fuck you, Stabler."

"That's a yes." Stabler clicked off. Toby turned his phone off and tossed it on the coffee table. He was home, and he wasn't going anywhere. _Nothing but a fucking skel and he had better get used to it._ Words to live by. Nothing he did or said would ever change the basic truths between him and Stabler.

Stabler was a great guy: kind and compassionate. He deserved a world better than Tobias Beecher as a friend. Toby pushed his hands through his hair and made up his mind. Whatever they had, however small, was officially over. It'd be easier, and Stabler wouldn't be missing out on a damn thing.

********

Stabler stumbled slightly coming up the stairs. He turned the knob and was surprised it was locked. Digging out his keys, he yawned and went inside. No one home. Not even a pot of coffee on. Wherever Beecher had gone, he was long gone. Stabler started tugging at his clothes. He needed some sleep. He'd catch up with Beecher at lunch. They could talk before he went back to work. He locked his gun away and hit the bed. Curling around his pillow, he pushed away the desire to curl around Beecher. They were friends. It was a good friendship, and it was all that he wanted. He wrapped himself a little tighter and fell asleep.

********  
End


End file.
